Words from the Author:
December 2019 Blog
Merry Christmas/Happy holidays/Happy Hanukkah/Blessed Yule/Litha/Saturnalia…*breathes* I’ve covered them all, right?
Well, the year is drawing to a close, and I figured since I've been radio silent, that I'd drop a nice 'long' read for you all. Writer news/updates will come in the New Year, for now, on with the show!
This year has been a year of extremes for many of us. From fire raging across the globe, (for a summary of that go here, I found it rather insightful: https://www.sciencealert.com/this-alarming-video-shows-everywhere-the-world-was-burning-in-2019). To riots, with university students arming themselves with catapults and slingshots due to the political turmoil in Hong Kong. The Brexit' fun' has plagued England (but I hear that's been resolved ish – yay!). As well as interesting political happenings in Australia and the…well frankly, I have no idea where to start with the US… Then there's little old NZ. We've been rocked by multiple casualties, both man-made and natural, but we've endured.
All in all, much of our news has been, as I called it: A dumpster fire. Then, as the year drew to a close and a metric-tonne of stress was applied to us all, the phrase swiftly changed to: A dumpster fire, slammed into by another dumpster fire – which then had gasoline tossed on top. Or more simply: Emotional whiplash. Which I think covers everything from world-stress to personal-stress.
There are, of course, lows to the ending of this second decade of the millennium. As with every year we're missing loved ones who've passed, we've had dire warnings trumpeted at us about declining species, raging fires, and rising waters. Our poor planet has been hit hard over the years. As a result, regardless of whether you agree with the situation or not, we have been 'schooled' by a teenager, or rather a collective of teenagers. Teenager/s who call a spade a spade, and have pulled or attempted to pull, our world leaders up (and in extension the people) about doing more to protect the finite resource, which is our planet. I could go off on a tangent here, but I won't.
Because of all this, and so much more, there are no doubt, many of us who are feeling 'it'. The burnout. The strain. The deepened sigh of 'what more?'. I look around and I can see all of us growing a little more jaded. There is a worn look in society's eyes of 'what's going to happen next?'. And, it's with a bitter laugh that I realise that for the last few years, we've all thought that year was the worst. The meme of "here, hold my beer" seems to apply to the universe in this regard. (Since I am visually, imaginatively inclined, I can already see the meme. So if anyone wants to have a hand in bringing that meme to life, be my guest).
All that aside, the focus of the end of this year, and every other, is that we should celebrate. In just a few short weeks, we'll be bypassing 20 years since the millennium and the proposed 'Y2K Bug'. And while I personally think tech should be in a more advanced place, the tech we do have is certainly no worse for wear. We sailed past the 'prophesised' end of the world in 2012. We've overcome attacks, from man and from mother-nature herself, that have rocked many of us to our core, but we've endured. We've advanced science and technology to the point that lives are being saved with technological 'miracles', as well as being made easier in general. We're even planning to put people on Mars… There's a lot that we have done/accomplished in the past 20 years as a collective, despite the shite stacked against us (imagine all we could achieve without it).
None of that, however, is even considering our own personal triumphs.
So, after this long-winded and rambling path, I reach this, my suggestion for these last few weeks. While there seems to be one dumpster fire after another happening all around us, and you no are doubt catching yourself thinking that you want to get off this hellish Ferris wheel. We should instead take a breath, unclench our jaws, relax our shoulders. We should take a moment to focus inward and ask yourself this: What was my win? No matter what it is, grab it because we need to pick ourselves up. We need to dust ourselves off and look at the triumphs we've had. Big or small, we've all had a win or a series of wins, and we should own them. Moreover, we should embrace them, set aside our setbacks, and remember that as long as we draw breath, we can achieve more than we think possible.
So, let's not end this year or, heck, this decade, on a low. Instead, let's take our wins, flip the universe the bird (or two), and step into the 2020's ready for another win. Who's with me?
Well, the year is drawing to a close, and I figured since I've been radio silent, that I'd drop a nice 'long' read for you all. Writer news/updates will come in the New Year, for now, on with the show!
This year has been a year of extremes for many of us. From fire raging across the globe, (for a summary of that go here, I found it rather insightful: https://www.sciencealert.com/this-alarming-video-shows-everywhere-the-world-was-burning-in-2019). To riots, with university students arming themselves with catapults and slingshots due to the political turmoil in Hong Kong. The Brexit' fun' has plagued England (but I hear that's been resolved ish – yay!). As well as interesting political happenings in Australia and the…well frankly, I have no idea where to start with the US… Then there's little old NZ. We've been rocked by multiple casualties, both man-made and natural, but we've endured.
All in all, much of our news has been, as I called it: A dumpster fire. Then, as the year drew to a close and a metric-tonne of stress was applied to us all, the phrase swiftly changed to: A dumpster fire, slammed into by another dumpster fire – which then had gasoline tossed on top. Or more simply: Emotional whiplash. Which I think covers everything from world-stress to personal-stress.
There are, of course, lows to the ending of this second decade of the millennium. As with every year we're missing loved ones who've passed, we've had dire warnings trumpeted at us about declining species, raging fires, and rising waters. Our poor planet has been hit hard over the years. As a result, regardless of whether you agree with the situation or not, we have been 'schooled' by a teenager, or rather a collective of teenagers. Teenager/s who call a spade a spade, and have pulled or attempted to pull, our world leaders up (and in extension the people) about doing more to protect the finite resource, which is our planet. I could go off on a tangent here, but I won't.
Because of all this, and so much more, there are no doubt, many of us who are feeling 'it'. The burnout. The strain. The deepened sigh of 'what more?'. I look around and I can see all of us growing a little more jaded. There is a worn look in society's eyes of 'what's going to happen next?'. And, it's with a bitter laugh that I realise that for the last few years, we've all thought that year was the worst. The meme of "here, hold my beer" seems to apply to the universe in this regard. (Since I am visually, imaginatively inclined, I can already see the meme. So if anyone wants to have a hand in bringing that meme to life, be my guest).
All that aside, the focus of the end of this year, and every other, is that we should celebrate. In just a few short weeks, we'll be bypassing 20 years since the millennium and the proposed 'Y2K Bug'. And while I personally think tech should be in a more advanced place, the tech we do have is certainly no worse for wear. We sailed past the 'prophesised' end of the world in 2012. We've overcome attacks, from man and from mother-nature herself, that have rocked many of us to our core, but we've endured. We've advanced science and technology to the point that lives are being saved with technological 'miracles', as well as being made easier in general. We're even planning to put people on Mars… There's a lot that we have done/accomplished in the past 20 years as a collective, despite the shite stacked against us (imagine all we could achieve without it).
None of that, however, is even considering our own personal triumphs.
So, after this long-winded and rambling path, I reach this, my suggestion for these last few weeks. While there seems to be one dumpster fire after another happening all around us, and you no are doubt catching yourself thinking that you want to get off this hellish Ferris wheel. We should instead take a breath, unclench our jaws, relax our shoulders. We should take a moment to focus inward and ask yourself this: What was my win? No matter what it is, grab it because we need to pick ourselves up. We need to dust ourselves off and look at the triumphs we've had. Big or small, we've all had a win or a series of wins, and we should own them. Moreover, we should embrace them, set aside our setbacks, and remember that as long as we draw breath, we can achieve more than we think possible.
So, let's not end this year or, heck, this decade, on a low. Instead, let's take our wins, flip the universe the bird (or two), and step into the 2020's ready for another win. Who's with me?
January 2020 Blog
Well, it's certainly been a start to the new year, hasn't it?
I've been listening to electro-swing (who knew it was a thing, because I didn't!) on Youtube, to get my groove going. 1920's inspired music for the 2020's - it's been interesting to -try to- write to.
No doubt, there are many changes a foot for many of us and for me. one of the biggest changes has been with The Immortal Queen.
*Deep Breath*
Here it is: due to a multitude of external reasons, both with myself and my publishers, as it currently stands the remaining paperback copies of IQ will be sold off. Ebooks -might- be available for a very short period of time for those who can not afford shipping/the cost of a physical copy, but that is not guaranteed at this time (I need to look into a few things first).
I adore IQ, it's my first 'baby' but as it currently stands I know it can be better. While it had okayish reviews (Thanks again Literary Titan for that review - to check it out, visit the reviews tab above), I struggled to find my voice with it. There was A LOT of healing and grieving being done with that book and, I admit it...some parts of it are a bit of a mess. But it's got heart and the characters are still kicking for a fight! So for now, once copies are gone, I will let it rest for a time and when my skills have improved a bit more, I will likely take another crack at it.
What does that mean for people who have purchased, or are wanting to purchase now?
It means that you are basically one time patrons. Supporters of this struggling author. You've read/are willing to read it in its raw beauty and as such, you now have a voice. I need your input - preferably in writing/email etc so I can digest it all. Collectively, I have an idea where things went askew; but my you, my patrons and loyal readers, have a voice so please let me hear it!
What does that mean going forward?
I'm still writing, when my time and health permits. I am currently working on another novel, I have another one that's being peer reviewed before I tackle those edits and I have notes and ideas for a few more stories - so my writing is not going silently into that dark goodnight.
There will no doubt be more changes in the coming year, so please...stick around for the ride. I promise I will write more, share more...do more.
For now, I hope 2020 has started off alright for you all.
~ xo ~
I've been listening to electro-swing (who knew it was a thing, because I didn't!) on Youtube, to get my groove going. 1920's inspired music for the 2020's - it's been interesting to -try to- write to.
No doubt, there are many changes a foot for many of us and for me. one of the biggest changes has been with The Immortal Queen.
*Deep Breath*
Here it is: due to a multitude of external reasons, both with myself and my publishers, as it currently stands the remaining paperback copies of IQ will be sold off. Ebooks -might- be available for a very short period of time for those who can not afford shipping/the cost of a physical copy, but that is not guaranteed at this time (I need to look into a few things first).
I adore IQ, it's my first 'baby' but as it currently stands I know it can be better. While it had okayish reviews (Thanks again Literary Titan for that review - to check it out, visit the reviews tab above), I struggled to find my voice with it. There was A LOT of healing and grieving being done with that book and, I admit it...some parts of it are a bit of a mess. But it's got heart and the characters are still kicking for a fight! So for now, once copies are gone, I will let it rest for a time and when my skills have improved a bit more, I will likely take another crack at it.
What does that mean for people who have purchased, or are wanting to purchase now?
It means that you are basically one time patrons. Supporters of this struggling author. You've read/are willing to read it in its raw beauty and as such, you now have a voice. I need your input - preferably in writing/email etc so I can digest it all. Collectively, I have an idea where things went askew; but my you, my patrons and loyal readers, have a voice so please let me hear it!
What does that mean going forward?
I'm still writing, when my time and health permits. I am currently working on another novel, I have another one that's being peer reviewed before I tackle those edits and I have notes and ideas for a few more stories - so my writing is not going silently into that dark goodnight.
There will no doubt be more changes in the coming year, so please...stick around for the ride. I promise I will write more, share more...do more.
For now, I hope 2020 has started off alright for you all.
~ xo ~
March 2020
24th
Something a little different. I'm going to try and do a little post each day. I’ve been reading a lot of things that suggested keeping a diary, or blog about life as we go through this damn global pandemic. Hell, it’s more than I could write, at least with my stories the threat is contained to just what you see, you know its bigger, but until the main characters experience it, its not a threat. That was how it was before it hit NZ, I think. We knew it was out there, but it wasn’t here. Now, I admit it, I am a worrier, I knew it would come here, there was no way it couldn’t. I knew it was going to be bad, there was that feeling in my soul, a hollow dread that stepped closer each day. Honestly, right now, I’m trying to fathom how my characters face this level of threat. How do they not look at ‘The Big Bad’ and feel defeated? I’m also questioning why I put them through the trials that I, and all authors, do. To say this Covid-19 won’t influence how I write, would be idiotic. It’s going to influence all of us for a long time to come. So, in that sense, writing the journey makes sense.
So, Day One of this blog, March 24 2020 - Sounds so ominous, doesn’t it...‘Day One’...
Since I generally write within topic, that's how I'll tackle this! So, today's blog will be about three things: Space, Fear and Self-Care.
Yesterday at midday, the Government announced that within 48 hours NZ would be going into lock-down. So, with that in mind, it was mum's first day working from home. For a first day, it was okay. Did I get any work done? No...not really, not until this evening. But was there was bickering? Nope, we got on! A moment of brilliance saw setting up a workspace in the lounge for her. So, just having the PC space to myself helped a lot, and when she popped through, I’d say ‘Home for lunch?’ then ‘Had a good day at work?’ Her workday was a lot calmer, so I think that’s the reason for the lack of bickering…
We all need space at the best of times, and I think, going forward, we're going to have to creative in our spaces at home, especially if we live with others. These days, many of us are living in small spaces, with little room to 'find space' for ourselves at the best of times. We'll have to think outside the box, set up areas just for us, and respect those areas. The next month, at least, is going to be about compromise, adjustment and sharing as much as it is about keeping healthy and spending time with family.
I admit, I am a little scared about what is happening and what may happen next. I'm also a little bitter. I'd had a job interview which went well, I'd also been saving to go see my partner in the U.S in just over a month. From there I was going to go see my Grandpa in Canada - 90 years old now, and I haven't seen him since I was 11 (if we're counting, that's 21 years folks). The only reason I hadn't booked my tickets yet was due to the fact I was a little short for airfares. Now all that is on hold, for an indefinite period of time. Like so many things for so many other people. Frustrating to say the least. But, I recognise the fear and I'm doing my best to not let it get to me.
To try and take my mind off it all, I had, for the first night in a long time, a nice hot bath. I needed it. A bit of self care to stop my mind from going bonkers. Bubbles, relaxation... then a naughty little craving hit me. I wanted fries. I admit it, I had the sneaky thought – Maccas before it closes at Midnight. So, I text mum:
‘Have you started dinner, or should we Uber maccas or other?’
‘Maccas sounds good!’
So, I opened the trusty Uber app on my phone while still lounging in the bubbles…only to find there was no deliveries. The delivery places had already closed. Which…now that the craving has passed, is a good thing. Not just for the waistline, but for the prevention of spreading this blasted virus. So, now we begin the long haul. A month. A whole four weeks of the nation giving up fast food. Covid-19 and the great fast-food fast of 2020. Good timing too as it’s month 2 of my 'month-long' squat challenge…so there’ll be no slip ups this time! I'm going to try and use this time to focus inwards. I've been letting things get the better of me, even before all this, so taking moments for self-care - and to just breath - is important right now.
So, remember - don't beat yourself up. We've all got things that will take time in adjusting to in not having around, and we're all in this together, even if we are physically apart.
25th
Day two
Well, at 11.59pm tonight, we went to level 4. Thought it was last night, but nope!
So, today, well today, I’m going to focus on things to be thankful for - family (loved ones in general), time to breathe, quiet, tasks completed and a multitude of other things. An exercise of mindful appreciation, if you will.
Overall people today were polite, things were both normal and abnormal, an eerie in between…something akin to the twilight zone. But, it was a good day.
We had to venture into the world today, picked up my prescription and the standard weekly shop – no panic buying here, we’ve got all the pasta, canned goods and loo paper we need, thanks! (trust me, we sorted the pantry today, one of those round-to-it jobs, and I discovered A LOT of stuff in there).
It was limited number in at the supermarket, which, I admit was nice for someone with anxiety. The checkouts were will super busy, but it wasn’t PANIC!
Then we popped to the pharmacy. Boy, the parking for all the shops at the complex was super busy with everyone trying to get in and out. There were a few ‘OMG’ moments with cars pulling out unexpectedly…or ducking cheekily behind a backing truck!! But, thankfully, our local pharmacy was quiet. One in, one out. I saw our local pharmacist, who has been our pharmacist for most of the 20 years we’ve been in the area. Possibly the last time I see him in that capacity as he is closing at the end of the month – not due to current issues. So, I we wished each other well, as one should always do! And I give a nod and thanks for all the community care he has provided.
Day two of sharing a workspace in the home space. I got work done, mum got work done. We all got work done! It was good, I took time to remember to breathe through-out the day. I took time, time that I normally don’t take to focus on myself and what I needed, and I was thankful, eternally so, that people around me recognised the need - without me saying it or asking for it.
This evening I was conscious in being present for those that I care about, both within the home and those at a distance. And in the process, I was present for myself. And now, I’ve finished the evening in a better space than which I started the day with (please, neighbours, it might have been a task eager to get done, but could you not chop and stack wood before 8am? Thanks :P), despite there being moments of longing and sadness. I even managed to get my squats in for the day! Mindful appreciation noted and experienced, it’s another thing I will carry from this little experiment.
Hope you are all well.
Well, at 11.59pm tonight, we went to level 4. Thought it was last night, but nope!
So, today, well today, I’m going to focus on things to be thankful for - family (loved ones in general), time to breathe, quiet, tasks completed and a multitude of other things. An exercise of mindful appreciation, if you will.
Overall people today were polite, things were both normal and abnormal, an eerie in between…something akin to the twilight zone. But, it was a good day.
We had to venture into the world today, picked up my prescription and the standard weekly shop – no panic buying here, we’ve got all the pasta, canned goods and loo paper we need, thanks! (trust me, we sorted the pantry today, one of those round-to-it jobs, and I discovered A LOT of stuff in there).
It was limited number in at the supermarket, which, I admit was nice for someone with anxiety. The checkouts were will super busy, but it wasn’t PANIC!
Then we popped to the pharmacy. Boy, the parking for all the shops at the complex was super busy with everyone trying to get in and out. There were a few ‘OMG’ moments with cars pulling out unexpectedly…or ducking cheekily behind a backing truck!! But, thankfully, our local pharmacy was quiet. One in, one out. I saw our local pharmacist, who has been our pharmacist for most of the 20 years we’ve been in the area. Possibly the last time I see him in that capacity as he is closing at the end of the month – not due to current issues. So, I we wished each other well, as one should always do! And I give a nod and thanks for all the community care he has provided.
Day two of sharing a workspace in the home space. I got work done, mum got work done. We all got work done! It was good, I took time to remember to breathe through-out the day. I took time, time that I normally don’t take to focus on myself and what I needed, and I was thankful, eternally so, that people around me recognised the need - without me saying it or asking for it.
This evening I was conscious in being present for those that I care about, both within the home and those at a distance. And in the process, I was present for myself. And now, I’ve finished the evening in a better space than which I started the day with (please, neighbours, it might have been a task eager to get done, but could you not chop and stack wood before 8am? Thanks :P), despite there being moments of longing and sadness. I even managed to get my squats in for the day! Mindful appreciation noted and experienced, it’s another thing I will carry from this little experiment.
Hope you are all well.
26th
Day Three
Expectations, keeping busy, and our way forward.
This morning I woke up energised. I felt the creative juices flowing, I had energy and for the first time in a long time, I woke without pain. I was amped. Today was going to be a writing day! I bounced into my day, had breakfast - something that is a new habit for me. Then got to work. I did some chores first, pulled meat out for dinner, I helped mum and I had some time outside, bare feet in the grass while I hung out washing. Of course, I didn’t go head long and do it in one swoop, but regardless, it felt good to be getting practical things done.
By late afternoon, the thought of doing some writing had gone out the door, and in fact, I hadn’t noticed that my muse had disappeared at all. I spent some time with my partner – online. Chatted with friends, stared at my screen a while…and then I cooked dinner. By the time dinner was done, mum and I were watching a series on Netflix. Then, 10.30 rolled around and mum went to bed. I took some time, had a bath then sat down at my PC again, focused on getting this blog done for the night. Then, as I opened Word, it hit me – the extent of my creativity for the day was helping a friend with his project.
But that was okay.
I’ve been entirely focused on the mind set that I need to be creative every single day (and yes, this blog could count…) but it’s not… well, it’s the real world, it’s not an escape for me. My expectations of myself, and my day, were very different from what happened, and normally that would irritate me, and I would likely force myself to stay up well past midnight to get some form of writing, or editing done. Instead, I’m accepting it for what it was – a good day.
The truth is, while we are all in lock-down…or as I saw today rāhui (for the meaning click here), we need to release our expectations and just be…we also need to keep busy, in what ever form that takes for you. We have no idea exactly how long this rāhui is going to last and what shape the world, let alone our immediate community, is going to be in when it is over. No doubt many of us are holding onto the fact that things will go back to normal; others are wondering how devastating it’s all going to be. But we don’t know. We don’t have a crystal ball, the Tarot isn’t much help in that regard, and unless we have a legit time traveler from the future, who will tell us, we won’t know until the ‘After’ is here.
Over the years, I’ve learnt that often our expectations lead us to heart ache. I’m not suggesting that we toss optimism aside, rather we focus on each day as it comes and there we'll find our path forward. Because if we worry about tomorrow, we forget to live today.
Expectations, keeping busy, and our way forward.
This morning I woke up energised. I felt the creative juices flowing, I had energy and for the first time in a long time, I woke without pain. I was amped. Today was going to be a writing day! I bounced into my day, had breakfast - something that is a new habit for me. Then got to work. I did some chores first, pulled meat out for dinner, I helped mum and I had some time outside, bare feet in the grass while I hung out washing. Of course, I didn’t go head long and do it in one swoop, but regardless, it felt good to be getting practical things done.
By late afternoon, the thought of doing some writing had gone out the door, and in fact, I hadn’t noticed that my muse had disappeared at all. I spent some time with my partner – online. Chatted with friends, stared at my screen a while…and then I cooked dinner. By the time dinner was done, mum and I were watching a series on Netflix. Then, 10.30 rolled around and mum went to bed. I took some time, had a bath then sat down at my PC again, focused on getting this blog done for the night. Then, as I opened Word, it hit me – the extent of my creativity for the day was helping a friend with his project.
But that was okay.
I’ve been entirely focused on the mind set that I need to be creative every single day (and yes, this blog could count…) but it’s not… well, it’s the real world, it’s not an escape for me. My expectations of myself, and my day, were very different from what happened, and normally that would irritate me, and I would likely force myself to stay up well past midnight to get some form of writing, or editing done. Instead, I’m accepting it for what it was – a good day.
The truth is, while we are all in lock-down…or as I saw today rāhui (for the meaning click here), we need to release our expectations and just be…we also need to keep busy, in what ever form that takes for you. We have no idea exactly how long this rāhui is going to last and what shape the world, let alone our immediate community, is going to be in when it is over. No doubt many of us are holding onto the fact that things will go back to normal; others are wondering how devastating it’s all going to be. But we don’t know. We don’t have a crystal ball, the Tarot isn’t much help in that regard, and unless we have a legit time traveler from the future, who will tell us, we won’t know until the ‘After’ is here.
Over the years, I’ve learnt that often our expectations lead us to heart ache. I’m not suggesting that we toss optimism aside, rather we focus on each day as it comes and there we'll find our path forward. Because if we worry about tomorrow, we forget to live today.
27Th
Day Four
Energy
Tonight, I opened Word and sat there a few good moments, trying to figure out what I was going to say. In fact, even as I type this, this sentence is all that lingers in my brain. However, as with all writing, it starts with a few words and morphs into something more.
Frankly, today is about energy. When we have it and when we don’t. Yesterday was a prime example of that – woke up amped and got many things done. Today – not so much. Perhaps it was the weather, that nice dose of rain, or the slight chill in the air. Or perhaps it’s down to it being near the end of the week, and this week has been far from ordinary.
The fact is, we’re all going to have days like this, when our energy is sapped and we really, really, just want our beds. And that’s okay. Even if you spend all day in your pyjamas some days or bury yourself under blankets as you watch something on T.V while hiding from the world. We all have times like that, regardless of the crisis, and often we feel guilty about them.
Well, don’t.
It’s called a mental health day people. And crisis/rāhui/pandemic or not, we all have them, and it is not a sign of weakness. It’s just a sign that maybe you’ve done enough for the week, that you need to breathe and maybe have a good cry to get everything out.
Right now, being the end of the first working week, in isolation. There will likely be a few that are starting to feel discombobulated, and that’s fine. There’s an abundance of stress in the world right now and if you need to stop for a moment, then do it. You don't need to have your shit together all the time! And remember, just because we’re not expending energy by being out in the world, doesn’t mean that energy isn’t being eaten up in other ways. So please, if you feel worn out, don’t question it, just accept it and take 5.
Energy
Tonight, I opened Word and sat there a few good moments, trying to figure out what I was going to say. In fact, even as I type this, this sentence is all that lingers in my brain. However, as with all writing, it starts with a few words and morphs into something more.
Frankly, today is about energy. When we have it and when we don’t. Yesterday was a prime example of that – woke up amped and got many things done. Today – not so much. Perhaps it was the weather, that nice dose of rain, or the slight chill in the air. Or perhaps it’s down to it being near the end of the week, and this week has been far from ordinary.
The fact is, we’re all going to have days like this, when our energy is sapped and we really, really, just want our beds. And that’s okay. Even if you spend all day in your pyjamas some days or bury yourself under blankets as you watch something on T.V while hiding from the world. We all have times like that, regardless of the crisis, and often we feel guilty about them.
Well, don’t.
It’s called a mental health day people. And crisis/rāhui/pandemic or not, we all have them, and it is not a sign of weakness. It’s just a sign that maybe you’ve done enough for the week, that you need to breathe and maybe have a good cry to get everything out.
Right now, being the end of the first working week, in isolation. There will likely be a few that are starting to feel discombobulated, and that’s fine. There’s an abundance of stress in the world right now and if you need to stop for a moment, then do it. You don't need to have your shit together all the time! And remember, just because we’re not expending energy by being out in the world, doesn’t mean that energy isn’t being eaten up in other ways. So please, if you feel worn out, don’t question it, just accept it and take 5.
28th
Day Five
Today I’m going to do something a little bit different. I’m going to write to future me. Short term future me. A me living one month from now.
Dear me,
It’s been five days since we’ve been in isolation, 4 days since it officially started. So far, things have been normal-ish for me. Aside from having company all day. That’s taken some getting used to, the holidays were never like this. I’ve been doing more to keep my mind away from the stresses of everything, spending a little less time on Facebook, less time gaming. More time writing and exercising.
I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to look at the positives of all of this – how clean different parts of the world are becoming, especially after it was said it was nigh on impossible to do. How animals are returning to places once filled with people. How cities once covered in smog are cleaner, brighter, healthier. I even noticed it today. Hamilton isn’t a big city, but today…today the air smelt fresher. The background hum of cars had all but vanished. I heard the birdsong in the trees and from the gully. And, several houses away, I heard laughter. Not just from children, but from family spending time together. It was heart-warming, the feeling of a return to a less troubled state of being.
And then I came inside. I sat down, and I tried to spread that cheer to Robert in the U.S. The worming worry niggled at me, but…I acknowledged it and set it with my fear. It’s there, and like the other anxieties that will likely arise, it will need to be addressed. For now, though, I am filling my heart with the good so that I can face any bad that comes.
I just hope that we have faced it well, and things are looking brighter when you are.
Today I’m going to do something a little bit different. I’m going to write to future me. Short term future me. A me living one month from now.
Dear me,
It’s been five days since we’ve been in isolation, 4 days since it officially started. So far, things have been normal-ish for me. Aside from having company all day. That’s taken some getting used to, the holidays were never like this. I’ve been doing more to keep my mind away from the stresses of everything, spending a little less time on Facebook, less time gaming. More time writing and exercising.
I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to look at the positives of all of this – how clean different parts of the world are becoming, especially after it was said it was nigh on impossible to do. How animals are returning to places once filled with people. How cities once covered in smog are cleaner, brighter, healthier. I even noticed it today. Hamilton isn’t a big city, but today…today the air smelt fresher. The background hum of cars had all but vanished. I heard the birdsong in the trees and from the gully. And, several houses away, I heard laughter. Not just from children, but from family spending time together. It was heart-warming, the feeling of a return to a less troubled state of being.
And then I came inside. I sat down, and I tried to spread that cheer to Robert in the U.S. The worming worry niggled at me, but…I acknowledged it and set it with my fear. It’s there, and like the other anxieties that will likely arise, it will need to be addressed. For now, though, I am filling my heart with the good so that I can face any bad that comes.
I just hope that we have faced it well, and things are looking brighter when you are.
29th
Day Six
Nothing special today, no grand words or letters to a future me. Just a tired Sam who has been staring at Word for almost an hour, eyes burning and the need for sleep.
I read, or rather saw a post on Facebook, today about being tired right now, and how it’s okay – even if we don’t appear to be doing much. Simply because right now is a traumatic period and when we suffer trauma, especially emotionally, we need to rest. Our bodies, our minds just what quiet.
So, I guess this post is about something today.
It’s about accepting that a nap or an early night is okay.
It’s about accepting that we are allowed to be tired and there is no shame in that.
So, next time you feel the need to take some downtime, just do it.
Resting is our friend right now.
Nothing special today, no grand words or letters to a future me. Just a tired Sam who has been staring at Word for almost an hour, eyes burning and the need for sleep.
I read, or rather saw a post on Facebook, today about being tired right now, and how it’s okay – even if we don’t appear to be doing much. Simply because right now is a traumatic period and when we suffer trauma, especially emotionally, we need to rest. Our bodies, our minds just what quiet.
So, I guess this post is about something today.
It’s about accepting that a nap or an early night is okay.
It’s about accepting that we are allowed to be tired and there is no shame in that.
So, next time you feel the need to take some downtime, just do it.
Resting is our friend right now.
30th
Day Seven
Wow, back to Monday already. Frankly, I’ve almost lost track on what day of the week it is. Not just because it’s all blurring into one, but because I’ve been so busy today!
Sam’s day today:
So here we are, still amped with creative energy. Next on the list, editing for a friend and then maybe some me time. Today has been a day of on the go, getting things done. It feels good, but I know that there are going to be days (from experience) that I just don’t have the projects, or the energy to do projects. And that’s cool. You just have to ride the creative train while it’s around and relish the downtime when it’s not.
So, that’s my post for today. Tomorrow marks one full week in isolation for this household. Bubble is holding strong…though tomorrow we need to pop out (thus the masks). Running low on a few supplies. Have hand sanitiser, gloves (if needed) and masks. We should be safe.
Hope you all are finding things to keep you occupied!
Wow, back to Monday already. Frankly, I’ve almost lost track on what day of the week it is. Not just because it’s all blurring into one, but because I’ve been so busy today!
Sam’s day today:
- Get up, get dressed
- EXERCISE!
- Breakfast.
- Open short story (B) ((A) got finished up and submitted for an anthology last night). Work on short story. Finish on short story. Submit to another anthology.
- Lunch.
- Gaming and time with partner and online friends (3 hours)
- Open short story (C) (wasn’t planning on this one!) Tweak, rewrite and lengthen. Submit to another anthology.
- Start sewing project. (Masks!) Pattern (I say pattern, but it was literally just an A4 piece of paper), cut, fold, pin (stab fingers).
- Dinner
- Sew. Pin some more (more stabbing). Sew, sew, sew! Pack sewing machine away. Two surgical style masks made. Oh, look it’s 11.30pm.
- Blog time!
So here we are, still amped with creative energy. Next on the list, editing for a friend and then maybe some me time. Today has been a day of on the go, getting things done. It feels good, but I know that there are going to be days (from experience) that I just don’t have the projects, or the energy to do projects. And that’s cool. You just have to ride the creative train while it’s around and relish the downtime when it’s not.
So, that’s my post for today. Tomorrow marks one full week in isolation for this household. Bubble is holding strong…though tomorrow we need to pop out (thus the masks). Running low on a few supplies. Have hand sanitiser, gloves (if needed) and masks. We should be safe.
Hope you all are finding things to keep you occupied!
31st
Day Eight
First off, let’s just say this since it’s the 31st here. WHAT A FREAKING MONTH!!!! I’ve seen so many memes on what April is going to bring, from UFOs, robot uprisings, the Deathstar arriving, to Cthulhu (which as an admirer of the old Lovecraftian horrors, is my favourite). But regardless it has me spooked. Like seriously…Mother Earth has just put us in time and locked us in our rooms. Is she going to take out toys away too???
But off that…we’re focusing one day at a time…ugh…
Today…well today I was going to rest. Today I was going to doing nothing much of anything and, while half the day was just that, I did find myself in the garden pruning…or rather, de-heading a yucca, after a phone call from the landlord suggesting we do something about it... just in case it got in the way of the neighbour coming up their drive. (They'd have to walk right against the fence and be almost 6ft tall...but you know...just in case).
So, while mum did her thing, I went to the shed.
Now, yuccas are tuberous, but when they get thick, they can get a little difficult to break away. So, I was hunting for something to deal with a yucca truck that was as about 25cm in diameter. Did we have an axe – no. The best thing I could find was a flat edged shovel. Could I find gardening gloves – again…no. (My poor hands have leaf cuts all over them, I managed to get spice in 2 of the cuts earlier this evening. That was fun! They now have Frozen plasters on them - don’t judge, I love Olaf).
So, I got the yucca trimmed down, thank goodness for basic quarterstaff training. Though a shovel is a little more top heavy, so jabbing (jabbing just doesn’t adequately describe the heavy thrusts and hacking that were involved) at the trunk took a lot of arm effort. But then the blasted thing fell into the neighbour’s driveway. I’m just glad the kids across the way weren’t outside for the words that slipped from my mouth. I was tired. I was done, but I wanted to see this project through… but I was not going to wheel the wheelbarrow around the house, up the drive, down the street a bit and then down their driveway…nope, because, I often refuse to do things the easy way.
Instead, I got another workout in. This time in the form of two new workouts I am calling ‘garden deadlifting’, and ‘garden yoga’. I leaned around the other prickly yucca bushes, over a half collapsing fence, twisting in ways my physio would cringe at, and I dragged that sucker back up and over. Then, I tidied up, dragged the garden rubbish around to the compost heap and put my tools away before dragging myself inside to clean up.
My day did not end there. No, because it was shop day. Gloves on, mask…*sigh* needs some tweaking so wasn’t used. I braved the supermarket alone, only missing a few essentials off the list (ironic, the week I want to get some gluten free bread, there isn’t any loaves of any sort, gluten or otherwise). Not many people, smiled, kept distance, got in and out as fast as possible. Then home. Shower. Pyjamas – it’s only 5pm at this point, but who cares. Relax. Time with online friends. Feet up. Dinner. TV. Blog. Done.
I think I’m most definitely in the market for a relax day tomorrow – but then, what would I write about?
First off, let’s just say this since it’s the 31st here. WHAT A FREAKING MONTH!!!! I’ve seen so many memes on what April is going to bring, from UFOs, robot uprisings, the Deathstar arriving, to Cthulhu (which as an admirer of the old Lovecraftian horrors, is my favourite). But regardless it has me spooked. Like seriously…Mother Earth has just put us in time and locked us in our rooms. Is she going to take out toys away too???
But off that…we’re focusing one day at a time…ugh…
Today…well today I was going to rest. Today I was going to doing nothing much of anything and, while half the day was just that, I did find myself in the garden pruning…or rather, de-heading a yucca, after a phone call from the landlord suggesting we do something about it... just in case it got in the way of the neighbour coming up their drive. (They'd have to walk right against the fence and be almost 6ft tall...but you know...just in case).
So, while mum did her thing, I went to the shed.
Now, yuccas are tuberous, but when they get thick, they can get a little difficult to break away. So, I was hunting for something to deal with a yucca truck that was as about 25cm in diameter. Did we have an axe – no. The best thing I could find was a flat edged shovel. Could I find gardening gloves – again…no. (My poor hands have leaf cuts all over them, I managed to get spice in 2 of the cuts earlier this evening. That was fun! They now have Frozen plasters on them - don’t judge, I love Olaf).
So, I got the yucca trimmed down, thank goodness for basic quarterstaff training. Though a shovel is a little more top heavy, so jabbing (jabbing just doesn’t adequately describe the heavy thrusts and hacking that were involved) at the trunk took a lot of arm effort. But then the blasted thing fell into the neighbour’s driveway. I’m just glad the kids across the way weren’t outside for the words that slipped from my mouth. I was tired. I was done, but I wanted to see this project through… but I was not going to wheel the wheelbarrow around the house, up the drive, down the street a bit and then down their driveway…nope, because, I often refuse to do things the easy way.
Instead, I got another workout in. This time in the form of two new workouts I am calling ‘garden deadlifting’, and ‘garden yoga’. I leaned around the other prickly yucca bushes, over a half collapsing fence, twisting in ways my physio would cringe at, and I dragged that sucker back up and over. Then, I tidied up, dragged the garden rubbish around to the compost heap and put my tools away before dragging myself inside to clean up.
My day did not end there. No, because it was shop day. Gloves on, mask…*sigh* needs some tweaking so wasn’t used. I braved the supermarket alone, only missing a few essentials off the list (ironic, the week I want to get some gluten free bread, there isn’t any loaves of any sort, gluten or otherwise). Not many people, smiled, kept distance, got in and out as fast as possible. Then home. Shower. Pyjamas – it’s only 5pm at this point, but who cares. Relax. Time with online friends. Feet up. Dinner. TV. Blog. Done.
I think I’m most definitely in the market for a relax day tomorrow – but then, what would I write about?
April 2020
1st
Day Nine
Well, I certainly gave myself the 'relax day' I needed. I think the only strenuous things I accomplished today were my morning exercise and then hanging out some washing. Instead, I spent the day doing things I wanted to do, at my own pace. I spent time online with friends, I watched things on Youtube, in the afternoon I picked up my Lovecraft compendium and started rereading it. As the evening drew to a close I helped make dinner, meditated for 20 minutes while it cooked before having dinner and watching TV…then I procrastinated in writing this by flicking through Facebook and chuckling at some memes…and by watching some more Youtube. I swear, I’ve had this document open for an hour and this line is as far as I have gotten. Writing a blog is hard!
I think today I learned a few lessons, not from doing what I’ve been doing, but from listening to others and… in turn, listening to myself. I learnt, or rather was reminded, that sometimes a situation is not as it seems, that how people portray themselves are not always how they are. That sometimes our own reactions and preconceived perceptions further tint the situation. Basically, what I realised is that while I try to be open minded, I often mind myself needing to check my own bias.
I also learnt that I need to listen to myself more, or rather take my own advice more. After commenting to a friend about fear, and blogging about later, I admit I did nothing more. I acknowledged it and moved on. I did nothing to try and find the source, nothing to try and relieve myself of it. Instead I bottled and walked away, and as a result my dreams have been weird and harried, and in meditation today I was forced to confront it partially. It’s going to take time to unpack, but the fact is, is needs to be worked on. It can’t be left.
So, despite all the emotional fear facing, it’s been, all-in-all a good rest day.
Well, I certainly gave myself the 'relax day' I needed. I think the only strenuous things I accomplished today were my morning exercise and then hanging out some washing. Instead, I spent the day doing things I wanted to do, at my own pace. I spent time online with friends, I watched things on Youtube, in the afternoon I picked up my Lovecraft compendium and started rereading it. As the evening drew to a close I helped make dinner, meditated for 20 minutes while it cooked before having dinner and watching TV…then I procrastinated in writing this by flicking through Facebook and chuckling at some memes…and by watching some more Youtube. I swear, I’ve had this document open for an hour and this line is as far as I have gotten. Writing a blog is hard!
I think today I learned a few lessons, not from doing what I’ve been doing, but from listening to others and… in turn, listening to myself. I learnt, or rather was reminded, that sometimes a situation is not as it seems, that how people portray themselves are not always how they are. That sometimes our own reactions and preconceived perceptions further tint the situation. Basically, what I realised is that while I try to be open minded, I often mind myself needing to check my own bias.
I also learnt that I need to listen to myself more, or rather take my own advice more. After commenting to a friend about fear, and blogging about later, I admit I did nothing more. I acknowledged it and moved on. I did nothing to try and find the source, nothing to try and relieve myself of it. Instead I bottled and walked away, and as a result my dreams have been weird and harried, and in meditation today I was forced to confront it partially. It’s going to take time to unpack, but the fact is, is needs to be worked on. It can’t be left.
So, despite all the emotional fear facing, it’s been, all-in-all a good rest day.
2nd
Day Ten
Okay, I admit it. I’m starting to feel the itch. I’m a home body, my idea of a great party is coming home afterwards and hiding for a week. I don’t do social; I prefer to stay at home…but right now. I’m starting to feel the pacing coming on. To the point that I've restructured the blog-drop zone. Who knew you could put a drop menu inside a drop menu.
But aside from that...stir crazy, people! So, I thought I’d google tips to beat self-isolation boredom. 4th link down (liked the name of the link) So here is the link to the blog. Let’s look at four of the eight tonight…
Okay, top of the list…
Heck, maybe I could start on my wardrobe…
Alright, let’s look at my To-Do list now:
Sam's 3rd April To-Do:
This is dreadful ain’t it? You’d think a self-made hermit would have more ideas on how to keep busy. At this point, I would attempt a 'Marie Kondo' de-clutter, but I have no way of eliminating the clutter. Honestly, maybe I might just start writing another book...or finish one I've got going...
Anyway, tomorrow's list looks do-able. Let's see how it goes.
Okay, I admit it. I’m starting to feel the itch. I’m a home body, my idea of a great party is coming home afterwards and hiding for a week. I don’t do social; I prefer to stay at home…but right now. I’m starting to feel the pacing coming on. To the point that I've restructured the blog-drop zone. Who knew you could put a drop menu inside a drop menu.
But aside from that...stir crazy, people! So, I thought I’d google tips to beat self-isolation boredom. 4th link down (liked the name of the link) So here is the link to the blog. Let’s look at four of the eight tonight…
Okay, top of the list…
- Number one: Clean out fridge and pantry… Hmm pantry is done. Did that last week. Freezer is done weekly when I play Freezer Tetris with the weekly shop. As for the fridge, I suppose I could do the fridge tomorrow. There’s one thing for Sam’s To-Do list.
- Number two: Give your plants some love. *glances at near self-sustaining plants* I watered my bamboo plants the other day and, well, my succulents and cactus are best left alone. The last time I tried to ‘give some love’ to my succulent (with expensive succulent feed) it curled up its toes. Not trying that again…
- Number three: Clean out bathroom cabinet. Heck, that was done a month back…
- Number Four: Check in with older or vulnerable friends and relatives. Okay, yeah. I can do that. Email some people… ping people on Facebook. That’s do-able.
Heck, maybe I could start on my wardrobe…
Alright, let’s look at my To-Do list now:
Sam's 3rd April To-Do:
- Exercise
- Washing
- Clean Fridge
- Email people
- Open wardrobe (survive avalanche) and make a start.
This is dreadful ain’t it? You’d think a self-made hermit would have more ideas on how to keep busy. At this point, I would attempt a 'Marie Kondo' de-clutter, but I have no way of eliminating the clutter. Honestly, maybe I might just start writing another book...or finish one I've got going...
Anyway, tomorrow's list looks do-able. Let's see how it goes.
3rd
Day Eleven
So, today wasn’t as boring as yesterday, I had a plan for today, and by the gods, I was going to see it through. Heck, I even started writing this blog early…but…
Okay, the day: I did my exercises, then I began my reaching out to loved ones by txting my father. Not enough movies - re-watching them, he said. Cat and dog behaving badly. So, all was well there. Then I headed outside and hung a few loads of washing out before enjoying the sunshine for a bit. At least in all of this, the weather has been beautiful. Being able to flex my feet into the grass and take a few seep breaths helps to centre me.
Then back inside. I spent time with online friends, cleaned the fridge (yup, I cleaned the fridge). Didn’t take all that long and, shock of horrors, once it was all sorted it looked pretty sparse. And not like our fridge at all…
By the time that was all done, late afternoon had rolled around. It saw mum chatting with an old friend on video messenger and pulling me into the catch up. Then, another video call to my brother and his family. It was good seeing the faces of my nieces and nephew, even if it was very brief and they were very loud. Though I really wanted to reach through the screen and hug them. Soon.
Right now, reaching out and having that communication is so vital to our well-being, we humans were not made to be solitary creatures and at times like these we are reminded that while we might have people inside our bubble, our circle of social needs is not limited by those we have immediate contact with. In fact, our social need circle doesn’t even have to be people we have physical contact with at all. But for someone who doesn’t do close. Who doesn’t often reach for, or encourage physical contact, there are a few from my social circle that I would dearly love to be around, and heck, maybe even hug. Again…soon.
Now, that to-do list. Let’s see how I did…
Alright, enough rambling from me. We’ll go through the second half of those eight tips tomorrow. Right now, sleep calls. I got sidetracked playing Sims4 (if I can’t build my dream home in real-life, I’ll build it in a video game) so, the blog didn't get finished til around 1.30am. Ugh, I really need to fix my sleep schedule again...that's on tomorrow's to-do list!
So, for now... be good, stay safe.
So, today wasn’t as boring as yesterday, I had a plan for today, and by the gods, I was going to see it through. Heck, I even started writing this blog early…but…
Okay, the day: I did my exercises, then I began my reaching out to loved ones by txting my father. Not enough movies - re-watching them, he said. Cat and dog behaving badly. So, all was well there. Then I headed outside and hung a few loads of washing out before enjoying the sunshine for a bit. At least in all of this, the weather has been beautiful. Being able to flex my feet into the grass and take a few seep breaths helps to centre me.
Then back inside. I spent time with online friends, cleaned the fridge (yup, I cleaned the fridge). Didn’t take all that long and, shock of horrors, once it was all sorted it looked pretty sparse. And not like our fridge at all…
By the time that was all done, late afternoon had rolled around. It saw mum chatting with an old friend on video messenger and pulling me into the catch up. Then, another video call to my brother and his family. It was good seeing the faces of my nieces and nephew, even if it was very brief and they were very loud. Though I really wanted to reach through the screen and hug them. Soon.
Right now, reaching out and having that communication is so vital to our well-being, we humans were not made to be solitary creatures and at times like these we are reminded that while we might have people inside our bubble, our circle of social needs is not limited by those we have immediate contact with. In fact, our social need circle doesn’t even have to be people we have physical contact with at all. But for someone who doesn’t do close. Who doesn’t often reach for, or encourage physical contact, there are a few from my social circle that I would dearly love to be around, and heck, maybe even hug. Again…soon.
Now, that to-do list. Let’s see how I did…
- Fridge – check
- Start reaching out – check
- Washing – check
- Wardrobe – Mentally I’ve started. That counts right?
Alright, enough rambling from me. We’ll go through the second half of those eight tips tomorrow. Right now, sleep calls. I got sidetracked playing Sims4 (if I can’t build my dream home in real-life, I’ll build it in a video game) so, the blog didn't get finished til around 1.30am. Ugh, I really need to fix my sleep schedule again...that's on tomorrow's to-do list!
So, for now... be good, stay safe.
4Th
Day Twelve
Another quiet day on the home front. I did my morning exercises, then I proceeded to spend more time tending to online matters than I did focusing on things around the house.
I did, however, begin to mentally unpack my wardrobe, the first task will be folding and popping up all the blankets on the top shelf. That might even get done before I pass out tonight. The second step would be going through and finding all the coat hangers and righting them before pulling bits out and rehanging them. Easy enough. I think the toughest job will be getting in there and doing it, because despite taking it easy today, I am feeling rather mentally exhausted. So much so, that I’m going to blitz through this blog and get and get to bed before midnight!
Alright, as promised, part two of the tips to beat self-isolation boredom, as found here.
Okay, to-do list for the next week:
Challenge accepted.
Another quiet day on the home front. I did my morning exercises, then I proceeded to spend more time tending to online matters than I did focusing on things around the house.
I did, however, begin to mentally unpack my wardrobe, the first task will be folding and popping up all the blankets on the top shelf. That might even get done before I pass out tonight. The second step would be going through and finding all the coat hangers and righting them before pulling bits out and rehanging them. Easy enough. I think the toughest job will be getting in there and doing it, because despite taking it easy today, I am feeling rather mentally exhausted. So much so, that I’m going to blitz through this blog and get and get to bed before midnight!
Alright, as promised, part two of the tips to beat self-isolation boredom, as found here.
- Number five: Set up ways for your household to become more sustainable: Oh, that’s a good one. Dialing down our energy use could be a start. Then limiting waste and limiting our use of single use plastics – especially since there is no recycling being picked up right now. Hmm, outside the square thinking required here…We have a compost heap, which we use, so there’s one thing. I might be able to find some pots in the shed, or a trough. I do know we have some potting mix out there; it would just be a matter of obtaining plants. Something to think on.
- Alright, number six: Read a book or watch a classic movie or show: Currently, as stated, reading my Lovecraft compendium, also have a few other books that I can dive back into. As for watching, currently watching a series called When Calls the Heart on Netflix. Total plug here, but if you are into sappy, but not cheesy, Canadian-American westerns, you might enjoy it. Also have a few other series on the go across a few platforms…so that option is well and truly covered.
- Number seven: Get those odd jobs done: ...We’re here because I’ve done that already!!!! That aside, I’m sure there’s something else to be done. Maybe a few sewing jobs… maybe…
- And number eight: Get crafting with the kids: ...Ah, slight snag there. I’ll just get crafting with myself. Maybe do some painting, or some writing...Mind you I …oh! Aunty Sam has an idea, or part of an idea. Easter is indeed looming and while I can’t be with the rug-rats in person, I’m sure there is something that could be whipped up and emailed.
Okay, to-do list for the next week:
- Early nights
- Wardrobe
- Find plants to plant
- Sewing projects
- Get crafty re: Easter. Strictly digital content…
Challenge accepted.
5Th
Day thirteen.
Well it’s the end of another week and things haven’t exploded yet. Yay!
Today has been a good day, I was able to focus on things and not get way laid. It’s nice when you can keep busy and keep your mind off things.
The wardrobe wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Found clothes I’d been missing (and were so very, very sure that were not, and could possibly not be in the wardrobe), and ones that I can say goodbye to…when things open again. I put away blankets, found all my missing pillowcases and found a few treasures. Though, in the long run, I will need some new coat hangers, I wonder if they are essential household things…
I’ve been thinking more about plants and what small things I could grow inside or on the front porch, as I was reminded today about the futility of having pot plants outside when they always end up getting sprayed by ‘helpful’ people just being utterly unhelpful. Honestly, every pot plant I’ve had which has died here, has usually (we're not talking about that succulent) been on the patio and has coincided with said unhelpful person spraying weeds. RIP herb garden, you are missed.
Perhaps some lettuce, broccoli or cauliflower in a trough. If the supermarket still has any little plants left.
Back to things accomplished... I managed to start and finish the kids Easter project. Something I thought would take me a week, took only a day. It was enjoyable to get back into the program that I used to make it, and I was reminded that even if it's not physical, it's still real. It has also spurred the ol’ grey matter into thinking of a second project which involves … hmm no, spoilers. Though once that project is off the ground, you'll all hear about it. I also assessed the sewing projects and have determined that the few mid-process projects that I know of can indeed be completed this coming week. Fantastic!
So, indeed, all in all a good day. A good quiet Sunday. Now to start tackling another item on the list:
Early nights.
Well it’s the end of another week and things haven’t exploded yet. Yay!
Today has been a good day, I was able to focus on things and not get way laid. It’s nice when you can keep busy and keep your mind off things.
The wardrobe wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Found clothes I’d been missing (and were so very, very sure that were not, and could possibly not be in the wardrobe), and ones that I can say goodbye to…when things open again. I put away blankets, found all my missing pillowcases and found a few treasures. Though, in the long run, I will need some new coat hangers, I wonder if they are essential household things…
I’ve been thinking more about plants and what small things I could grow inside or on the front porch, as I was reminded today about the futility of having pot plants outside when they always end up getting sprayed by ‘helpful’ people just being utterly unhelpful. Honestly, every pot plant I’ve had which has died here, has usually (we're not talking about that succulent) been on the patio and has coincided with said unhelpful person spraying weeds. RIP herb garden, you are missed.
Perhaps some lettuce, broccoli or cauliflower in a trough. If the supermarket still has any little plants left.
Back to things accomplished... I managed to start and finish the kids Easter project. Something I thought would take me a week, took only a day. It was enjoyable to get back into the program that I used to make it, and I was reminded that even if it's not physical, it's still real. It has also spurred the ol’ grey matter into thinking of a second project which involves … hmm no, spoilers. Though once that project is off the ground, you'll all hear about it. I also assessed the sewing projects and have determined that the few mid-process projects that I know of can indeed be completed this coming week. Fantastic!
So, indeed, all in all a good day. A good quiet Sunday. Now to start tackling another item on the list:
Early nights.
6th
Day Fourteen
So, its been fourteen days in rāhui people…FOURTEEN!!!
So, its been fourteen days in rāhui people…FOURTEEN!!!
We still standing? Yes? Awesome. Just remember to keep to your bubble, to stay safe and remember: send as many virtual hugs as possible if you can’t get any inside your bubble…or if there are people outside your bubble you want to hug! We’re halfway, ish, maybe. The curve is apparently flattening, so we’ll see. I dunno about you guys, but I’m enjoying the quiet. Less road traffic, less helicopters flying overhead from the hospital. The odd cop car zooming past, but no where near as often…oh and the birds. I can hear the birds more often and I’ve noticed an increase in butterflies and such. Nature is indeed taking a huge breath of air while we’re in our rooms. She’s one worn thin mumma, so she deserves this break.
Alright, as for my day, well today was another good day. I got my exercises in (as I do most days), then started work on my secret project. Kinda. I started off by seeing if I could create one of the main features of said project (the other bit was done a while back as a joke…but I was encouraged to not leave it as a joke and to see how far I could take it). I think I did rather well on it. Curious? Well, there is a sample of the ‘thing’ at the bottom of today's blog.
I then played some games, hung out with online friends, watched some live streaming. Then cooked dinner. Chicken drumsticks marinated in a secret sauce (so many secrets) with glazed baby carrots and rice. Wasn’t too bad.
I then capped of my night with telly, PC time and a nice cup of hot chocolate (gluten and lactose free, because I need to be a bit kinder on myself) and...here we are.
Hope your day as gone as smoothly as mine. Will update on the secret project…let’s say in a week.
Now, another early night for me.
7th
Day Fifteen
Not much to write about today. Spent the day laying low and letting myself mellow in the moment. I skipped the morning exercise in favour of a slow start, had breakfast and chatted with Robert. Then I spent time doing leisure things.
The afternoon rolled around, and I spent an hour in the sun, video-calling with Robert. It was nice to see his face and I admitted to him that I fear for him every time he goes to work. See, he’s essential service, in a hospital, in America. He’s scared too. Tired and scared and he knows its just going to get worse before it gets better over there. While we should have been planning my trip over in a month, we’re instead accepting that it could be another year or two before we see each other again. It hurts. But we’ll get through it. We are stronger than what comes our way.
Instead we talked about what we’re going to do when he makes it back here – Many more trips to his favourite café at Hamilton Gardens (I think he just liked the pies they served) and more mini holidays in different parts of the North Island… Back to the Coromandel, for a few days rather than a day trip. Waiheke Island (of course) and up to the north of the country. Oh, and meeting some more of my family… It’s nice to plan for a tomorrow, even when you don’t know when that tomorrow will be.
In talking with him, it helped release some of that pent up fear I have, the one that leaves a hollow space in my chest that I feel like I’m going to get sucked into. I’ve acknowledged that fear, and I am releasing it. Holding on will just make it worse. But, I’m okay. Honestly. Scared…like most people. But okay.
Hang in there people.
Not much to write about today. Spent the day laying low and letting myself mellow in the moment. I skipped the morning exercise in favour of a slow start, had breakfast and chatted with Robert. Then I spent time doing leisure things.
The afternoon rolled around, and I spent an hour in the sun, video-calling with Robert. It was nice to see his face and I admitted to him that I fear for him every time he goes to work. See, he’s essential service, in a hospital, in America. He’s scared too. Tired and scared and he knows its just going to get worse before it gets better over there. While we should have been planning my trip over in a month, we’re instead accepting that it could be another year or two before we see each other again. It hurts. But we’ll get through it. We are stronger than what comes our way.
Instead we talked about what we’re going to do when he makes it back here – Many more trips to his favourite café at Hamilton Gardens (I think he just liked the pies they served) and more mini holidays in different parts of the North Island… Back to the Coromandel, for a few days rather than a day trip. Waiheke Island (of course) and up to the north of the country. Oh, and meeting some more of my family… It’s nice to plan for a tomorrow, even when you don’t know when that tomorrow will be.
In talking with him, it helped release some of that pent up fear I have, the one that leaves a hollow space in my chest that I feel like I’m going to get sucked into. I’ve acknowledged that fear, and I am releasing it. Holding on will just make it worse. But, I’m okay. Honestly. Scared…like most people. But okay.
Hang in there people.
8th
Day Sixteen
What a day. Nice casual start to the morning, worked on the shopping list, yep, that’s where this is going… then a little after one, headed to the supermarket. My turn to head in this week, so off we went. Of course, it started to rain as soon as we arrived and while mum sat in the car reading her book, I stood in queue for about 10 minutes before I was able to get inside. No biggy, its just water. Thankfully it wasn’t cold. Thankfully there wasn't too many people in the shop, though I did get myself a tad flustered trying to find everything though (our local supermarket has a habit of moving random stuff around, so you’re not guaranteed to find some items in the same spot twice). Only things I couldn’t get today were the broccoli/silverbeet plants (they just had orchids and such left) and my lactose free dairy milk, which sucks but I’m sure I can manage a week without it. As for the plants... we'll I'll keep looking. Maybe when the alert level lowers again I might be able to find some. So, I got shop done, there was one rude woman who was giving the workers a hard time because she couldn’t buy more than 2 loaves of bread. I just rolled my eyes and offered extra smiles and wishes of a good day to the supermarket crew. They're doing the best they can in a shitty situation and deserve a medal. But, despite all that, the shop only took an extra 20 minutes or so than our old normal. The rest of the day was spent in peace. Played some games, fixed the network connection on the telly for mum. Hung out with friends online then cooked dinner. Before having some comfort food for dessert (feijoas sliced over vanilla ice cream with a small drizzle of chocolate sauce – naughty but so good). Then…moon gazing, with the camera (that I've kinda figured out how to do night shots with now - done them before on accident, never on purpose :P ), now that the rain has stopped. Not as ‘super’ as I thought, but I think I will keep my eye on it for a bit longer. Now, for some music. Have a good evening all. |
9th
Day Seventeen
Another chill out day. Starting to feel the seasonal shift, the one where I hibernate/preserve my energy or better put, the time where I reflect on the season past and prepare for the next. With seasons so out of whack these days, I tend to rely on my internal body clock to tell me when the seasons are starting to drift into the next – that and my hayfever.
I think the most ‘strenuous’ thing I did today was shave my legs and work on the small ‘surprise’. It’s not much, just an extract from a piece of text that may or may not ever see the light of day. Another segment of the same story can be found under works> sample works (Indigo Thrower). This segment here follows another character from the same story.
Enjoy!
__________
“Demon!”
The word rang through the night, piercing the darkness, echoing, lingering. More shouts followed and torches where lit up. Those privileged, still had battery powered beams. Though the torches were weak and growing unreliable, they were a sort after item, a small but significant key to the past, when technology ruled the world. Many who gave chance now carried flame torches, and in the cool, crisp winter night the light from the flames blended into the mist.
She ran, her skirts torn from catching on bramble and jagged rocks. Her heart pounded in her chest, as she caught her breath and jumped into the waist deep river; the cool, icy waters lapping around her. She pushed on, reaching closer and closer to the other side. Quietly she slipped under the long-tangled branches of an old willow tree and wadded towards the large roots where she climbed the water exposed trunk and back onto dry land. She rolled herself against the trunk and fell backwards with a small started cry as dogs bayed in the night air and shouts faded away. Heart pounding, she felt a smell surge of power creep through her as she used her ‘other’ sight to survey her surroundings. An old warren in the deep vast roots of the tree. Unless its occupants came home, she was safe.
Another chill out day. Starting to feel the seasonal shift, the one where I hibernate/preserve my energy or better put, the time where I reflect on the season past and prepare for the next. With seasons so out of whack these days, I tend to rely on my internal body clock to tell me when the seasons are starting to drift into the next – that and my hayfever.
I think the most ‘strenuous’ thing I did today was shave my legs and work on the small ‘surprise’. It’s not much, just an extract from a piece of text that may or may not ever see the light of day. Another segment of the same story can be found under works> sample works (Indigo Thrower). This segment here follows another character from the same story.
Enjoy!
__________
“Demon!”
The word rang through the night, piercing the darkness, echoing, lingering. More shouts followed and torches where lit up. Those privileged, still had battery powered beams. Though the torches were weak and growing unreliable, they were a sort after item, a small but significant key to the past, when technology ruled the world. Many who gave chance now carried flame torches, and in the cool, crisp winter night the light from the flames blended into the mist.
She ran, her skirts torn from catching on bramble and jagged rocks. Her heart pounded in her chest, as she caught her breath and jumped into the waist deep river; the cool, icy waters lapping around her. She pushed on, reaching closer and closer to the other side. Quietly she slipped under the long-tangled branches of an old willow tree and wadded towards the large roots where she climbed the water exposed trunk and back onto dry land. She rolled herself against the trunk and fell backwards with a small started cry as dogs bayed in the night air and shouts faded away. Heart pounding, she felt a smell surge of power creep through her as she used her ‘other’ sight to survey her surroundings. An old warren in the deep vast roots of the tree. Unless its occupants came home, she was safe.
10th
Day Eighteen
It was a lovely day here in Hamilton. The sun was warm, the sky clear and everything was nice a relaxed. Being Good Friday it’s usually quiet, but today was just as all the other days have been. It’s starting to feel less ‘end-of-the-worldy’ and more ‘this is the norm now’, which I hope it isn’t because I would like to see the country, heck, even the world, get back some semblance or normality, but not completely – we need to make a new normality after this.
So, this is today, I start my list of dreams for the world after this is over:
Anyway, I’m sure there’s more…I felt like I was winding up into a big blog and then just those three things materialised. More will likely come to me later. But this is a start.
Take it easy, folks!
It was a lovely day here in Hamilton. The sun was warm, the sky clear and everything was nice a relaxed. Being Good Friday it’s usually quiet, but today was just as all the other days have been. It’s starting to feel less ‘end-of-the-worldy’ and more ‘this is the norm now’, which I hope it isn’t because I would like to see the country, heck, even the world, get back some semblance or normality, but not completely – we need to make a new normality after this.
So, this is today, I start my list of dreams for the world after this is over:
- Kindness and Compassion – we became so caught up in our own lives that we stopped taking moments to show kindness, not just to strangers, but to ourselves and our families and to all living creatures. That needs to change, humans, humanity, all that dwell on this planet…they need kindness and compassion to survive.
- Sustainability and Green-thinking – it was said it couldn’t be done. Yet, we are doing it. But unless we try to continue this reduced way of living, our planet will lose all that its gained in these short few weeks. I for one would like to continue seeing a smog-less Himalayas for India, clear waters in Venice’s water canals, animals reclaiming (even partially) areas usually amass with humans. All of this is good, it’s a sign that nature is still willing to fight for her own. Sure, we are Her own as well, but we need to remember to co-exist, cos with out our furry (and buzzy) little friends…we’re screwed.
- Reduced pollution – in all forms including sound and vibration (it’s really a thing, and it has been noted world-wide too. Here’s an article about the various pollution reductions worldwide). Those of you living in the cities, have you noticed there’s no background tremor right now? Sure, before this the sound is obvious, but have you noticed that the constant vibration that causes you to tense up when you’re in urban areas, is gone? Living on a main street added to it for me. Twenty years of living in Hamilton I’d grown used to the tension, and always relished going to quiet places, not just for the lack of sound but for the lack of vibration pollution. It’s one reason I would consider leaving the city, even living just outside town would be great. Not just for the green spaces and the clearer air, but for the lack of constant hum/buzz.
Anyway, I’m sure there’s more…I felt like I was winding up into a big blog and then just those three things materialised. More will likely come to me later. But this is a start.
Take it easy, folks!
11th
Day Nineteen
I grew complacent. I kept writing the blog and doing the bare minimum, and on the third day, I realised that I was sliding – which is big considering it either takes longer for me to notice or I don’t notice until someone stops and asks ‘Are you okay?’.
I wasn’t. I was tired. My heart ached with worry and bleh-ness and I let ‘just one day off’ become two, then three. But I’m lifting myself up. No one else will.
So, in light of that, I went to bed resolved and with a list for today already written up. Again. I need lists to operate, a little ritual to keep myself on track. To remind myself not to let time slip by and be lost for good. Especially when there’s life to be lived and projects to bring joy. Today's was simple and listed in order of approach:
Simple and effective. I found myself not snacking, not lethargic, not wallowing. I found myself smiling as I ticked each one off. The thing is, even on a ‘holiday’ weekend, we need to keep ourselves busy. We can’t let ourselves slip. I can’t let myself slip. So, tomorrows list will be less in content but more in task. Pain willing, I’m going to vacuum.
Wish me luck.
I grew complacent. I kept writing the blog and doing the bare minimum, and on the third day, I realised that I was sliding – which is big considering it either takes longer for me to notice or I don’t notice until someone stops and asks ‘Are you okay?’.
I wasn’t. I was tired. My heart ached with worry and bleh-ness and I let ‘just one day off’ become two, then three. But I’m lifting myself up. No one else will.
So, in light of that, I went to bed resolved and with a list for today already written up. Again. I need lists to operate, a little ritual to keep myself on track. To remind myself not to let time slip by and be lost for good. Especially when there’s life to be lived and projects to bring joy. Today's was simple and listed in order of approach:
- Squats
- Breakfast
- Mystery project
- Lunch
- Time out
- Dinner
- Sewing project
- Send virtual Easter gift to kiddlings
- Blog
Simple and effective. I found myself not snacking, not lethargic, not wallowing. I found myself smiling as I ticked each one off. The thing is, even on a ‘holiday’ weekend, we need to keep ourselves busy. We can’t let ourselves slip. I can’t let myself slip. So, tomorrows list will be less in content but more in task. Pain willing, I’m going to vacuum.
Wish me luck.
12th
Day Twenty
Pain/body was not willing (I decided against painkillers during the day, was already feeling tired without them). But I didn’t listen. I tackled the day. I grabbed the bull by the horns, making small sounds of discomfort as I went. Lounge tidied, vacuuming done, sewing project done (will possibly have to find more of these) and I’m sitting here wondering how much more I have in me for the day . There are a few things left on my ‘to-do’ list. Little things, things that shouldn’t take to long, but man am I tired. So tired I was convinced that I’d lost a day and then I started to get in a kerfuffle over it all. Over the thought that I’d not blogged last night, that yesterday’s entry had indeed been Friday’s entry. It wasn’t, I haven’t. I’m just tired.
My partner said to me the other day:
“I’m going to go to bed early, I’m feeling a little bored, and when I feel bored, I want to go to bed…”
I agreed he should, since it was nearing midnight for him anyway, was only 5pm here, but that meant I could focus on dinner without distractions. But, as I let him go, I was thinking:
‘Damn, if I went by that logic, I’d stay in bed some days’.
It’s been one of those days, today.
So, I think a small post, and an early night. I plan to do some writing tomorrow, need to be fresh for that.
Pain/body was not willing (I decided against painkillers during the day, was already feeling tired without them). But I didn’t listen. I tackled the day. I grabbed the bull by the horns, making small sounds of discomfort as I went. Lounge tidied, vacuuming done, sewing project done (will possibly have to find more of these) and I’m sitting here wondering how much more I have in me for the day . There are a few things left on my ‘to-do’ list. Little things, things that shouldn’t take to long, but man am I tired. So tired I was convinced that I’d lost a day and then I started to get in a kerfuffle over it all. Over the thought that I’d not blogged last night, that yesterday’s entry had indeed been Friday’s entry. It wasn’t, I haven’t. I’m just tired.
My partner said to me the other day:
“I’m going to go to bed early, I’m feeling a little bored, and when I feel bored, I want to go to bed…”
I agreed he should, since it was nearing midnight for him anyway, was only 5pm here, but that meant I could focus on dinner without distractions. But, as I let him go, I was thinking:
‘Damn, if I went by that logic, I’d stay in bed some days’.
It’s been one of those days, today.
So, I think a small post, and an early night. I plan to do some writing tomorrow, need to be fresh for that.
13th
Day Twenty-One
Wow, what a day.
After the blog post, and before bed last night, I stood in the rain for a bit. Trying to connect with the earth, myself, all of it. Just letting those wild emotions roll out of me and fade. I think this weekend, I’ve been feeling a bit on edge. This weekend was supposed to be a gathering with a group of my friends whom I see a couple times of year, if I'm lucky. I was looking forward to it, and I know it will happen when it can happen, but I needed that magical charge that I get after a weekend with those friends. Then I crashed, got up late, did my exercises and was hit with a day that was more of a rollercoaster of annoyance, anger and finally acceptance, than relaxation. Right now? Well, I’m not entirely sure how I feel now.
So, I focused on what I could do. It took all day, but I got 1800 words done on something creative. Fresh content, but content that will only be seen and enjoyed by a small group of people…unless I change some details.
I watched some episodes of Vampire Diaries (lost the thread of it years ago, feeling a sudden and strange urge to watch it in its entirety now that its finished).
I then spent time with my online friends, watching one of them stream a game he was playing while my partner, myself and a few others bantered.
I cooked dinner (lamb chops, vege and mac-cheese – nothing like mac-cheese (gluten free) to hit the spot for comfort food cravings). Before enduring a few conversations with people which brought about the rollercoaster of emotions. At first, I was trying to justify my position, then I thought, ya know what. No. Their thoughts, not mine. I know I’m right in this, they’re just observing something that they don’t know jack about and I don’t want to get caught up in their drama.
And then, finally, I caught up (via phone), with someone I’ve not heard from in a few year
Like I said, what a day.
Wow, what a day.
After the blog post, and before bed last night, I stood in the rain for a bit. Trying to connect with the earth, myself, all of it. Just letting those wild emotions roll out of me and fade. I think this weekend, I’ve been feeling a bit on edge. This weekend was supposed to be a gathering with a group of my friends whom I see a couple times of year, if I'm lucky. I was looking forward to it, and I know it will happen when it can happen, but I needed that magical charge that I get after a weekend with those friends. Then I crashed, got up late, did my exercises and was hit with a day that was more of a rollercoaster of annoyance, anger and finally acceptance, than relaxation. Right now? Well, I’m not entirely sure how I feel now.
So, I focused on what I could do. It took all day, but I got 1800 words done on something creative. Fresh content, but content that will only be seen and enjoyed by a small group of people…unless I change some details.
I watched some episodes of Vampire Diaries (lost the thread of it years ago, feeling a sudden and strange urge to watch it in its entirety now that its finished).
I then spent time with my online friends, watching one of them stream a game he was playing while my partner, myself and a few others bantered.
I cooked dinner (lamb chops, vege and mac-cheese – nothing like mac-cheese (gluten free) to hit the spot for comfort food cravings). Before enduring a few conversations with people which brought about the rollercoaster of emotions. At first, I was trying to justify my position, then I thought, ya know what. No. Their thoughts, not mine. I know I’m right in this, they’re just observing something that they don’t know jack about and I don’t want to get caught up in their drama.
And then, finally, I caught up (via phone), with someone I’ve not heard from in a few year
Like I said, what a day.
14th
Day Twenty-Two
If I’m being honest, I don’t really feel like writing today. Maybe it’s the cold weather – yeah, let’s say it’s that. Let’s just pretend its not because I’m feeling as if I am under a dark cloud after another night of harassed dreams. Of chases and arguments and me trying to salvage things that haven’t even begun to bear fruit yet. You go to sleep, hoping for rest, yet often it eludes you.
Perhaps I need to meditate again. Maybe.
Part of me just wants to dive into bed, pull the blankets up and turn my back to today, the other part of me is telling me to stay up late. At this point it could go either way, and for a day where I’ve done nothing but exercise, watch telly and play games online…I think that’s okay.
Maybe tomorrow will bring something more stimulating, because at this point, I suspect that watching paint dry is more enthralling than my life right now.
If I’m being honest, I don’t really feel like writing today. Maybe it’s the cold weather – yeah, let’s say it’s that. Let’s just pretend its not because I’m feeling as if I am under a dark cloud after another night of harassed dreams. Of chases and arguments and me trying to salvage things that haven’t even begun to bear fruit yet. You go to sleep, hoping for rest, yet often it eludes you.
Perhaps I need to meditate again. Maybe.
Part of me just wants to dive into bed, pull the blankets up and turn my back to today, the other part of me is telling me to stay up late. At this point it could go either way, and for a day where I’ve done nothing but exercise, watch telly and play games online…I think that’s okay.
Maybe tomorrow will bring something more stimulating, because at this point, I suspect that watching paint dry is more enthralling than my life right now.
15th
Day Twenty-Three
Another short post today...
Today was better, but still utterly boring. I spent time online, potted about and pretty much just followed what others were wanting to do because I honestly didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do today.
I really need to find something more to fill my time with because I am over the usual wake up, exercise, breakfast, PC with chores scattered between etc etc etc. I feel like I might go a little bonkers. So, starting tomorrow, I am going to…what am I going to do?
Honestly, at this point I’m not entirely sure, but something different because right now I feel like I’m in that dreadful boat from Willy Wonka, the tunnel of terror, with all the colours and the complete terrifying unknown (kinda sums up life right now in general anyway).
Another short post today...
Today was better, but still utterly boring. I spent time online, potted about and pretty much just followed what others were wanting to do because I honestly didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do today.
I really need to find something more to fill my time with because I am over the usual wake up, exercise, breakfast, PC with chores scattered between etc etc etc. I feel like I might go a little bonkers. So, starting tomorrow, I am going to…what am I going to do?
Honestly, at this point I’m not entirely sure, but something different because right now I feel like I’m in that dreadful boat from Willy Wonka, the tunnel of terror, with all the colours and the complete terrifying unknown (kinda sums up life right now in general anyway).
Normally I would bunker down and just wait for this feeling to blow over, but in this instance I can’t just point at this damn pandemic and say ‘being cooped up made me feel restless’, because the truth is I was feeling restless before, and if I do nothing, it’ll only get worse.
I’m making small changes already, ones that are encouraging and driving me forwards, but its not enough. I guess the first step is knowing a change must be made. Now’s the time for the next step then, and what better time than when we’re all in lock down, right?
Anyone have any ideas?
I’m making small changes already, ones that are encouraging and driving me forwards, but its not enough. I guess the first step is knowing a change must be made. Now’s the time for the next step then, and what better time than when we’re all in lock down, right?
Anyone have any ideas?
16th
Day Twenty-Four
Almost forgot to do my post for today. I could have left it, but I vowed that I’d do it and I’m keeping that vow.
Today was better, looked into a few distance study options that are still viable during the lockdown. I have a few possibilities listed. Thought about even looking into some non-formal education/study. So today I went looking into learning a new skill or a new bit of knowledge (there’s this really interesting looking online course about the Medieval Icelandic Sagas, or maybe picking up Japanese again – I’ve still got my exercise book from High School Japanese somewhere)
Something is better than nothing.
Also had a good day (online) with Robert. Hung out virtually (and met) his best friend from High School, so that was both awkward and fun at the same time.
A nice relaxing day overall, even if I am getting a little stir crazy.
Almost forgot to do my post for today. I could have left it, but I vowed that I’d do it and I’m keeping that vow.
Today was better, looked into a few distance study options that are still viable during the lockdown. I have a few possibilities listed. Thought about even looking into some non-formal education/study. So today I went looking into learning a new skill or a new bit of knowledge (there’s this really interesting looking online course about the Medieval Icelandic Sagas, or maybe picking up Japanese again – I’ve still got my exercise book from High School Japanese somewhere)
Something is better than nothing.
Also had a good day (online) with Robert. Hung out virtually (and met) his best friend from High School, so that was both awkward and fun at the same time.
A nice relaxing day overall, even if I am getting a little stir crazy.
17th
Day Twenty-Five
Wake up. Exercise. Go about day. Blog. Sleep. Wake up. Exercise…
You seeing the pattern here?
On a side note, notice how we’re been encouraged not to loose our damn minds throughout this, to do things that help you relax, like do a puzzle or read a book etc…but if you haven’t got access to those then you’re S.O.L.
I’m all for getting the kids doing stuff, entertainment and education for them – it keeps their minds active and out of the parent’s hair for a bit… but what about the adults? This is not a bitch session, more of a rabbit hole of thought that I needed to jot down.
Books, or more importantly ebooks - sure, most people can read ebooks, but some can’t – they either don’t have access to them, don’t have devices to read them, or can’t read this due to visual issues.
Puzzles/games – the argument could be made for online games (if you don’t have any physical games or such at home), but what about the fact that not everyone has access to those?
Then there’s the fact that excessive screen time is detrimental.
Honestly, and this is not because I am a self admitted bibliophile, (a person who collects or has a great love of books), but I’d have put books in the ‘essential goods’ list. Without books, without a way to disconnect, we’re all going to be screaming up the walls before too long. Level three might be coming (#soon?), and with it online retail (supposedly), and maybe, just maybe the chance to buy a new book, or a puzzle, craft supplies or a new piece of home gym equipment. Anything to help them redirection their mind away from all of this. But, in the meantime…ugh I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired. Frazzled. We’re containing the outbreak well and we need to keep at it to eliminate it completely, but at what cost? We’re counting the death toll, the economic toll…but what about the toll that this is having, and will continue to have on our psyche?
There’s going to be people out there who have been set adrift by all this, who thought they'd be fine and now, they are feeling the edge, with no way to hold the black dog at bay. They’ll be scrambling to find something, anything to fill the time, and sadly, that something might be detrimental to them in the long run. If I could, I would open my little library of books, puzzles etc to those that I love, that don’t have access to anything. But I can’t and I’m left dreading where all of this will end.
I guess my only suggestion is, regardless of if you are feeling the edge or not...just pick up a damn book, if you can. It’ll help you step out from this place, just for a while. There are so many worlds out there, and I promise, the only thing you have to fear is a potential paper cut.
It is better than going mad, right?
Wake up. Exercise. Go about day. Blog. Sleep. Wake up. Exercise…
You seeing the pattern here?
On a side note, notice how we’re been encouraged not to loose our damn minds throughout this, to do things that help you relax, like do a puzzle or read a book etc…but if you haven’t got access to those then you’re S.O.L.
I’m all for getting the kids doing stuff, entertainment and education for them – it keeps their minds active and out of the parent’s hair for a bit… but what about the adults? This is not a bitch session, more of a rabbit hole of thought that I needed to jot down.
Books, or more importantly ebooks - sure, most people can read ebooks, but some can’t – they either don’t have access to them, don’t have devices to read them, or can’t read this due to visual issues.
Puzzles/games – the argument could be made for online games (if you don’t have any physical games or such at home), but what about the fact that not everyone has access to those?
Then there’s the fact that excessive screen time is detrimental.
Honestly, and this is not because I am a self admitted bibliophile, (a person who collects or has a great love of books), but I’d have put books in the ‘essential goods’ list. Without books, without a way to disconnect, we’re all going to be screaming up the walls before too long. Level three might be coming (#soon?), and with it online retail (supposedly), and maybe, just maybe the chance to buy a new book, or a puzzle, craft supplies or a new piece of home gym equipment. Anything to help them redirection their mind away from all of this. But, in the meantime…ugh I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired. Frazzled. We’re containing the outbreak well and we need to keep at it to eliminate it completely, but at what cost? We’re counting the death toll, the economic toll…but what about the toll that this is having, and will continue to have on our psyche?
There’s going to be people out there who have been set adrift by all this, who thought they'd be fine and now, they are feeling the edge, with no way to hold the black dog at bay. They’ll be scrambling to find something, anything to fill the time, and sadly, that something might be detrimental to them in the long run. If I could, I would open my little library of books, puzzles etc to those that I love, that don’t have access to anything. But I can’t and I’m left dreading where all of this will end.
I guess my only suggestion is, regardless of if you are feeling the edge or not...just pick up a damn book, if you can. It’ll help you step out from this place, just for a while. There are so many worlds out there, and I promise, the only thing you have to fear is a potential paper cut.
It is better than going mad, right?
18th
Day Twenty-Six
!!Happy Birthday to my nephew!!
Six today. Yikes time flies!
Short post today, the day has been extremely uninspiring, but not in a bad way. I’m just tired and want to be in bed before midnight…not 2 or 3am like it has been lately.
Streamed a movie with Robert – The Hitman’s Bodyguard. Comedy with Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson…definitely adding to the watch again list. Then quiet evening watching Watership Down (the original. Used to watch it at Nana and Grandad’s as a kid, and mum has the original movie book. Sure, it was mildly traumatizing as a kid, but it now it just brings all the feels). Then, because I was too tired to move, and refusing to go to bed at 8.30pm, I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s (never seen it, in my mind I’d gotten it confused with something else, so I was sure it was about a diner called Tiffany’s. Don’t judge my uncultured-ness).
So overall, an okay day.
!!Happy Birthday to my nephew!!
Six today. Yikes time flies!
Short post today, the day has been extremely uninspiring, but not in a bad way. I’m just tired and want to be in bed before midnight…not 2 or 3am like it has been lately.
Streamed a movie with Robert – The Hitman’s Bodyguard. Comedy with Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson…definitely adding to the watch again list. Then quiet evening watching Watership Down (the original. Used to watch it at Nana and Grandad’s as a kid, and mum has the original movie book. Sure, it was mildly traumatizing as a kid, but it now it just brings all the feels). Then, because I was too tired to move, and refusing to go to bed at 8.30pm, I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s (never seen it, in my mind I’d gotten it confused with something else, so I was sure it was about a diner called Tiffany’s. Don’t judge my uncultured-ness).
So overall, an okay day.
19th
Day Twenty-Seven
With the release of information regarding Level Three and the tantalising lure of what that might mean, I figured as an exercise I would do a list of things that I’d like to do when Level Three comes into effect.
Honestly, I can’t think of much more, I've haven't gone as as stir-crazy as I expected (or have I, you lot are the ones reading my posts). I think I just need to reconnect with nature and a few loved ones and then I'll go back to my isolating - which is pretty much what I was doing before all this. Though after all of this, me and the bestie seriously need a drinking night together...and I would love to go see my witchy-bestie, but that revolves inter-regional travel...so...after all this...
Hmm, maybe I might buy a book, or a puzzle? If anything more is thought of, I’ll just do a follow up post.
With the release of information regarding Level Three and the tantalising lure of what that might mean, I figured as an exercise I would do a list of things that I’d like to do when Level Three comes into effect.
- Reconnect with family. While we still need to keep our bubbles exclusive, close (and local) family re-connections are fine. Thus, given bubble conditions I would love to see my nieces and nephew (and my brother and his partner). I miss them terribly (and I know mum does too), plus we have a birthday present for a certain, newly advanced, Master Six-Year-Old. Still on that family list, is my Sister-to-another-mother (and to another father), aka my bestie. Miss her (and her little miss...and her family) terribly. But again, it will all have to depend on bubble conditions and such. Then there is my dad, but he’s in the at-risk category (severely at-risk) so as much as I’d love to have a coffee and a catch up with him, I’d rather he stays well isolated. Could always deliver him some DVDs via letterbox drop if he's over re-watching the ones he has. Though I am fairly certain his dog Toffy would have something to say if I didn't at least see her during that hypothetical delivery :P
- Send a care package to Robert. I could have done this now, during Level Four, but I have tried to limit my going out as much as possible. With Level Three coming into effect and there being (slightly) less restrictions on going out, I figured now is a good time to send him some of his favourite biscuits (Anzac). He’s done well to stretch his ‘stash’ out from Christmas, and yes, he has the recipe…I sent him home with a copy of the Edmonds Cookbook when he came out, but he’s lucky I like sending him stuff in the mail - means I can pop a wee note in.
- Get out, go for a walk at one of my favourite parks. Neither are within (my) walking distance, but both are within the city. The walkways are surrounded by trees, you lose all presence of the city (with is great when you’ve been cooped up for 4 weeks). Either would allow a complete disconnect from the city and allow a moment in nature without traveling vast distances (read out of the city).
Honestly, I can’t think of much more, I've haven't gone as as stir-crazy as I expected (or have I, you lot are the ones reading my posts). I think I just need to reconnect with nature and a few loved ones and then I'll go back to my isolating - which is pretty much what I was doing before all this. Though after all of this, me and the bestie seriously need a drinking night together...and I would love to go see my witchy-bestie, but that revolves inter-regional travel...so...after all this...
Hmm, maybe I might buy a book, or a puzzle? If anything more is thought of, I’ll just do a follow up post.
20th
Day Twenty-Eight
So, next Tuesday, huh. Not much will change day to day I reckon. We will just be a little freer to explore wider, local backyard and shop online. I am worried about the easing of the restrictions though. I fear that people will go too far too fast and we’ll be back in detention/in our rooms/Rāhui faster than we can blink. So, we have a week to prepare. For some to return to work, and some to return to school. But we can’t do this at a gallop, as much as it might affect the economy, we need to take this slowly, and carefully.
At this rate the world’s economy is shot. This recession is going to have lasting effects, effects that are going to linger long after the official death toll has been released. What we must do now is not rebuild, but reforge. The old has been torn down and instead of picking up the pieces and gluing them back together. There needs to be change. The ground needs to be swept clean, and when we reforge, I just hope its inclusive and on an even playing field. Because we are only as whole as the weakest parts of our society.
We need to use what we have learnt from the past, and say ‘no, that wasn’t working. We’re doing something better now.’ And the rebuilding of the economy is the best place to start. Reshaping the way we work, giving employees more opportunities to work away from the office, will help limit our individual carbon footprints. It will also help us balance our work/life better which will lead to reduced stress levels (and studies have shown this leads to increased productivity).
This lockdown has, or should have, also taught us the value in family and connections with loved ones. It should also have helped us realise that we don’t need excessive things/clutter/junk. That living cleaner, simpler and with what we have, is better – not just for our mental and physical health, but also for our bank accounts.
So, next Tuesday, huh. Not much will change day to day I reckon. We will just be a little freer to explore wider, local backyard and shop online. I am worried about the easing of the restrictions though. I fear that people will go too far too fast and we’ll be back in detention/in our rooms/Rāhui faster than we can blink. So, we have a week to prepare. For some to return to work, and some to return to school. But we can’t do this at a gallop, as much as it might affect the economy, we need to take this slowly, and carefully.
At this rate the world’s economy is shot. This recession is going to have lasting effects, effects that are going to linger long after the official death toll has been released. What we must do now is not rebuild, but reforge. The old has been torn down and instead of picking up the pieces and gluing them back together. There needs to be change. The ground needs to be swept clean, and when we reforge, I just hope its inclusive and on an even playing field. Because we are only as whole as the weakest parts of our society.
We need to use what we have learnt from the past, and say ‘no, that wasn’t working. We’re doing something better now.’ And the rebuilding of the economy is the best place to start. Reshaping the way we work, giving employees more opportunities to work away from the office, will help limit our individual carbon footprints. It will also help us balance our work/life better which will lead to reduced stress levels (and studies have shown this leads to increased productivity).
This lockdown has, or should have, also taught us the value in family and connections with loved ones. It should also have helped us realise that we don’t need excessive things/clutter/junk. That living cleaner, simpler and with what we have, is better – not just for our mental and physical health, but also for our bank accounts.
21st
Day Twenty-Nine
Seems I wasn’t the only one to have that thought. Dad phoned today, already wants to catch up as soon as possible, said the only person he’ll incorporate into our extended bubble is Toffy – his Chihuahua. So, my house will be a whirl wind of energy for a few hours next week :P Though, he admitted he’s been rather lapse in wearing, or rather obtaining a mask. Your general Joe Bloggs? Sure, they might not NEED one, but someone with his health, I’d rather him not risk it. So, he has accepted my offer of a mask…which ironically, the material (because I thought I had other material, but didn’t) is a blue and green tartan, and is shockingly close to the clan Marshall tartan. Complete coincidence. So, I have another mask to whip up over the next week.
Also, managed to get some more writing in today... also got a rejection letter for an anthology submission I entered. Waiting on the results of three more. One I will hear about in the next few weeks, which will still leave me time to spruce the short up (if its not accepted) and reenter it into another comp/submission. I would enter the one that got rejected…but its 2.5k words more than the limit for this particular one and I’m not butchering that shortstory.
I was lucky with IQ, normally I’d have gone through hoops and mass amounts of rejection letters before it got accepted, I guess now I am getting a taste for that. Each one is hard, there’s a moment of ‘Well, screw you. I happened to rather like that story.’ But not everyone enjoys the same thing. So, I write, I submit, and I hope. Even then, one ‘break’ is nothing going to get my name the right channels. It is going to take years of hard work and I’m ready for that… so, sorry guys. IQ becoming a movie might not ever happen (even if I have a few actors/actresses as head-canon for it :P).
So, yeah. That has been my day. Of course got the usual exercise etc in. Now for bed.
- Reconnect with family…
Seems I wasn’t the only one to have that thought. Dad phoned today, already wants to catch up as soon as possible, said the only person he’ll incorporate into our extended bubble is Toffy – his Chihuahua. So, my house will be a whirl wind of energy for a few hours next week :P Though, he admitted he’s been rather lapse in wearing, or rather obtaining a mask. Your general Joe Bloggs? Sure, they might not NEED one, but someone with his health, I’d rather him not risk it. So, he has accepted my offer of a mask…which ironically, the material (because I thought I had other material, but didn’t) is a blue and green tartan, and is shockingly close to the clan Marshall tartan. Complete coincidence. So, I have another mask to whip up over the next week.
Also, managed to get some more writing in today... also got a rejection letter for an anthology submission I entered. Waiting on the results of three more. One I will hear about in the next few weeks, which will still leave me time to spruce the short up (if its not accepted) and reenter it into another comp/submission. I would enter the one that got rejected…but its 2.5k words more than the limit for this particular one and I’m not butchering that shortstory.
I was lucky with IQ, normally I’d have gone through hoops and mass amounts of rejection letters before it got accepted, I guess now I am getting a taste for that. Each one is hard, there’s a moment of ‘Well, screw you. I happened to rather like that story.’ But not everyone enjoys the same thing. So, I write, I submit, and I hope. Even then, one ‘break’ is nothing going to get my name the right channels. It is going to take years of hard work and I’m ready for that… so, sorry guys. IQ becoming a movie might not ever happen (even if I have a few actors/actresses as head-canon for it :P).
So, yeah. That has been my day. Of course got the usual exercise etc in. Now for bed.
22nd
Day Thirty
Today’s blog is this gif:
Today’s blog is this gif:
I jest, there are words. Not sure how many. Just feel like…well…that marmot. I just want to scream. Not at anything in particular, just at…well everything.
Up until this point in my life I thought I was in a state of drifting and sinking… now it honestly feels like the damn boat is on fire and I am no long in that ‘this is fine’ state. No, I’m in the <see above for screaming marmot> state. Not out of fear, but out of frustration. (for cuteness here is the original video of the gif, which funnily enough would likely be what I sound like when I scream...because I don't like being too loud...)
So, on with the blog. Today: Schedules are our friend
A thing came up on my timeline last night about feeling tired while on rāhui, while it wasn’t this exact article, it was pretty darn similar. I’m sure I’ve blogged about lockdown anxiety etc before, but if I haven’t here’s the lowdown.
So, me doing the planning of each day was the right thing to be doing, and I know that when I was structuring my days, I didn’t become so apathetic about stuff. In summary: we need to avoid “empty” time to avoid a growing sense of “drift”. Check, check and check.
Honestly, the last few days all I’ve managed to do on my usual 'to do' list is exercise, eat a proper dinner, and MAYBE -if my brain allows it- get some writing in. Breakfast and/or lunch has usually been skipped or substituted for something less healthy and far less filling (because I haven’t got much of an appetite). Then its just on the PC. Same as every day.
No wonder I feel like screaming.
The fact is, while we're feeling excited because level 4 is ending soon, the rāhui isn't. So, us paying special attention to how we spend our time is going to be a long-term thing. Not just so we don't binge watch the entire series of Friends, Supernatural and/or Vampire Dairies (ah-uh, only guilty on one of those - and I'm only into season 3 :p), but also so we don't fall into a deep, or deeper, state of morose. Or so we don't end up binge eating and gaining "lockdown pounds" (see Urban Dictionary) or more tamely this article here. I know the odd few times I've caught myself wandering to the pantry, turning around seeing my water bottle and internally hearing "drink water, if you're hungry after, then get something," and coming back to my desk empty handed. My snacks have lasted far longer than they normally do - simply because of the drama involved with going down to the supermarket. I have pondered baking, and got the bits needed...then realised - I hate baking in our kitchen. And thus not doing any. So snacking wise, I've been okay. I've hit the whiskey a couple of times - a 'wee dram' (more like 50mls) of neat Glenfiddich once a night a couple times a week. Nothing crazy. So in terms of food and alcohol...I think I'm doing okay. Ironically I think I'm just too apathetic to give a toss about binge eating or drinking.
Then there’s my sleep. Ohhh do not get me started on that. Actually, that might be tomorrows blog. One thing at a time…
Up until this point in my life I thought I was in a state of drifting and sinking… now it honestly feels like the damn boat is on fire and I am no long in that ‘this is fine’ state. No, I’m in the <see above for screaming marmot> state. Not out of fear, but out of frustration. (for cuteness here is the original video of the gif, which funnily enough would likely be what I sound like when I scream...because I don't like being too loud...)
So, on with the blog. Today: Schedules are our friend
A thing came up on my timeline last night about feeling tired while on rāhui, while it wasn’t this exact article, it was pretty darn similar. I’m sure I’ve blogged about lockdown anxiety etc before, but if I haven’t here’s the lowdown.
So, me doing the planning of each day was the right thing to be doing, and I know that when I was structuring my days, I didn’t become so apathetic about stuff. In summary: we need to avoid “empty” time to avoid a growing sense of “drift”. Check, check and check.
Honestly, the last few days all I’ve managed to do on my usual 'to do' list is exercise, eat a proper dinner, and MAYBE -if my brain allows it- get some writing in. Breakfast and/or lunch has usually been skipped or substituted for something less healthy and far less filling (because I haven’t got much of an appetite). Then its just on the PC. Same as every day.
No wonder I feel like screaming.
The fact is, while we're feeling excited because level 4 is ending soon, the rāhui isn't. So, us paying special attention to how we spend our time is going to be a long-term thing. Not just so we don't binge watch the entire series of Friends, Supernatural and/or Vampire Dairies (ah-uh, only guilty on one of those - and I'm only into season 3 :p), but also so we don't fall into a deep, or deeper, state of morose. Or so we don't end up binge eating and gaining "lockdown pounds" (see Urban Dictionary) or more tamely this article here. I know the odd few times I've caught myself wandering to the pantry, turning around seeing my water bottle and internally hearing "drink water, if you're hungry after, then get something," and coming back to my desk empty handed. My snacks have lasted far longer than they normally do - simply because of the drama involved with going down to the supermarket. I have pondered baking, and got the bits needed...then realised - I hate baking in our kitchen. And thus not doing any. So snacking wise, I've been okay. I've hit the whiskey a couple of times - a 'wee dram' (more like 50mls) of neat Glenfiddich once a night a couple times a week. Nothing crazy. So in terms of food and alcohol...I think I'm doing okay. Ironically I think I'm just too apathetic to give a toss about binge eating or drinking.
Then there’s my sleep. Ohhh do not get me started on that. Actually, that might be tomorrows blog. One thing at a time…
23rd
Day Thirty-One
Wrote 2k words today. Go me. Might talk to the people involved with the creation of these short stories about whether they’d be interested in allow me creative use of the names they’ve come up with for their characters. In a non-commercial public sense. There would be a few other changes I would have to make (unless I set it out as fan-fic) but the shorts are pretty decent in my opinion. Or at least, I’m rather attached to them. The amount there are could easily be adapted into a small novel as it is!
Aside from that, I got up slightly earlier, did my exercises…and had an actual breakfast. I ticked off things from my list/schedule. I went to the supermarket for the weekly shop (used my mask and had massive fog issues with the glasses), spent time with friends (online), then time with mum over dinner and watched some telly. I think she regretted saying "Lets watch something from your list" [of Netflix]. I did ask if she was sure, she said yes, so she 'endured' an episode of The Vampire Diaries before we switched to a series we've both been watching - Salvation. (Am I cruel?)
One thing I didn’t accomplish was bed before midnight. In my defence, I’ve only just stopped writing.
So tomorrow will be a better blog, I will have time to dedicate to it, hopefully. I do know that I am feeling less bleh, I know that all comes in waves, but for now I am trying to remain upbeat. For now, though, I pass out.
Wrote 2k words today. Go me. Might talk to the people involved with the creation of these short stories about whether they’d be interested in allow me creative use of the names they’ve come up with for their characters. In a non-commercial public sense. There would be a few other changes I would have to make (unless I set it out as fan-fic) but the shorts are pretty decent in my opinion. Or at least, I’m rather attached to them. The amount there are could easily be adapted into a small novel as it is!
Aside from that, I got up slightly earlier, did my exercises…and had an actual breakfast. I ticked off things from my list/schedule. I went to the supermarket for the weekly shop (used my mask and had massive fog issues with the glasses), spent time with friends (online), then time with mum over dinner and watched some telly. I think she regretted saying "Lets watch something from your list" [of Netflix]. I did ask if she was sure, she said yes, so she 'endured' an episode of The Vampire Diaries before we switched to a series we've both been watching - Salvation. (Am I cruel?)
One thing I didn’t accomplish was bed before midnight. In my defence, I’ve only just stopped writing.
So tomorrow will be a better blog, I will have time to dedicate to it, hopefully. I do know that I am feeling less bleh, I know that all comes in waves, but for now I am trying to remain upbeat. For now, though, I pass out.
24th
Day Thirty-Two
So, ironically, as tired as I am, I’m going to be breaking down this article I read about sleep during the pandemic, and exploring my own thoughts and experiences. This doesn’t just relate to Covid-19 either. All of the things that we are feeling and experiencing now, which are affecting our ability to, and our quality of, sleep, are all things that arise in our day to day lives. Right now, however, all the stressors are hitting us simultaneously.
We all know that sleep is important, but more so now because (let’s hear it in the back) lack of quality sleep impacts our immune system, and thus our ability to fight off viruses and infections.
So, I’m going to look at the few areas that that article listed and cover one or two per post/day, some of the things I’ve previously mentioned in earlier posts, but I’m going to try and explore them more in depth…
There’s three simple reasons I’m doing this:
Here’s the lowdown for the next few days:
So today, let’s start at the top: Disruption of daily life
At first glance, my own personal daily life hasn’t been greatly affected. I still sleep slightly later than I should, I still get up and get my exercises in. I still either flag breakfast or have breakfast. I still do any morning chores that need doing. I still forget lunch as I hang out with my friends online (until Robert asks if I’ve gotten lunch yet – several thousand miles away and he’s still making sure I look after myself). The afternoon routine is still the same, I still get some more housework done if needed. I still hangout with Robert (and ‘the guys’) until Robert goes to bed, then I hop off voice chat and either start making dinner or start getting some(or some more) writing/creative work done – or both. Oh, and twice a week when Robert has other things happening, I spend those days writing, getting the big chores in and having some me time away from the PC. (I generally try and clock in at least 20-25 hours a week of some form of creative work, be it writing, editing, or other). So really…nothing much has changed…until you look at the household.
Normally, mum would head off to work about 8am. Occasionally, she’d pop in during the day to grab something, but generally, she wasn’t usually home until 4-4.30. Monday to Friday. Once a week was shop (done after work). But overall, I had the space to myself and I didn’t have to worry about scheduling conflicts, personal space or juggling conversations.
Now, most of you know me pretty well, and you know I tend to like my own space. I need quiet, and I really enjoy being alone for long periods of time. The beauty with online folks is that you can say "brb..." (often chorused by "she's not coming back..." from the 'the guys') then mute the mic, set down the headset and walk away for a bit. But when another person’s daily life has been disrupted as well, and you’ve both been placed in a small house with limited areas to disappear too…well…it can really add to the fatigue.
No matter how much you love a person, sometimes you just need space – and going to another room doesn’t often cut it. Conversations with outer-bubble loved ones can’t be had easily, or the epic brain exploder: the uncanny timing when two people start talking to you at once, about two different things, and neither of them can hear the other. Needless to say, frustrations rise and when you can’t:
So, ironically, as tired as I am, I’m going to be breaking down this article I read about sleep during the pandemic, and exploring my own thoughts and experiences. This doesn’t just relate to Covid-19 either. All of the things that we are feeling and experiencing now, which are affecting our ability to, and our quality of, sleep, are all things that arise in our day to day lives. Right now, however, all the stressors are hitting us simultaneously.
We all know that sleep is important, but more so now because (let’s hear it in the back) lack of quality sleep impacts our immune system, and thus our ability to fight off viruses and infections.
So, I’m going to look at the few areas that that article listed and cover one or two per post/day, some of the things I’ve previously mentioned in earlier posts, but I’m going to try and explore them more in depth…
There’s three simple reasons I’m doing this:
- It’s something different to write about,
- It’s exploring something else we’re all no doubt going through as a result of this pandemic and
- You might not even be consciously aware that it is affecting you, and reading this might be the light-bulb moment you needed to trigger a search for a good night’s sleep.
Here’s the lowdown for the next few days:
- Disruption of daily life
- Anxiety and worry
- Depression and Isolation
- Greater family and Work stress
- Stress related fatigue
So today, let’s start at the top: Disruption of daily life
At first glance, my own personal daily life hasn’t been greatly affected. I still sleep slightly later than I should, I still get up and get my exercises in. I still either flag breakfast or have breakfast. I still do any morning chores that need doing. I still forget lunch as I hang out with my friends online (until Robert asks if I’ve gotten lunch yet – several thousand miles away and he’s still making sure I look after myself). The afternoon routine is still the same, I still get some more housework done if needed. I still hangout with Robert (and ‘the guys’) until Robert goes to bed, then I hop off voice chat and either start making dinner or start getting some(or some more) writing/creative work done – or both. Oh, and twice a week when Robert has other things happening, I spend those days writing, getting the big chores in and having some me time away from the PC. (I generally try and clock in at least 20-25 hours a week of some form of creative work, be it writing, editing, or other). So really…nothing much has changed…until you look at the household.
Normally, mum would head off to work about 8am. Occasionally, she’d pop in during the day to grab something, but generally, she wasn’t usually home until 4-4.30. Monday to Friday. Once a week was shop (done after work). But overall, I had the space to myself and I didn’t have to worry about scheduling conflicts, personal space or juggling conversations.
Now, most of you know me pretty well, and you know I tend to like my own space. I need quiet, and I really enjoy being alone for long periods of time. The beauty with online folks is that you can say "brb..." (often chorused by "she's not coming back..." from the 'the guys') then mute the mic, set down the headset and walk away for a bit. But when another person’s daily life has been disrupted as well, and you’ve both been placed in a small house with limited areas to disappear too…well…it can really add to the fatigue.
No matter how much you love a person, sometimes you just need space – and going to another room doesn’t often cut it. Conversations with outer-bubble loved ones can’t be had easily, or the epic brain exploder: the uncanny timing when two people start talking to you at once, about two different things, and neither of them can hear the other. Needless to say, frustrations rise and when you can’t:
the fatigue creeps in again (yes, I love that gif). Not because you don’t want people to talk to you, but because you can’t get a moment silence without someone wanting something (I REALLY feel for all the mums and dads out there right now).
So yeah, there’s two lots of fatigue creeping in from daily life changes for me (something that I hadn't really considered until I read the article): Frustration fatigue and space fatigue. Tomorrow: Anxiety and Worry – oh boy…this kinda feels like a therapy session here.
So yeah, there’s two lots of fatigue creeping in from daily life changes for me (something that I hadn't really considered until I read the article): Frustration fatigue and space fatigue. Tomorrow: Anxiety and Worry – oh boy…this kinda feels like a therapy session here.
25th
Day Thirty-Three
Anzac Day. I hadn’t attended a dawn service in a few years and this year I was thinking about going…since that couldn’t happen I stood at the end of my driveway, wrapped in my red ritual robe (its warm and snuggly), and listened to Radio NZ’s broadcast. There weren’t many along our street, our neighbour stood in her lounge at the sliding doors facing the street, there were two more I could see to my left and right on the otherside of the street… could have been more but I was more focused on the service.
Coming in again, I snapped a couple shots of the rising sun, then I went back to bed.
Anzac Day. I hadn’t attended a dawn service in a few years and this year I was thinking about going…since that couldn’t happen I stood at the end of my driveway, wrapped in my red ritual robe (its warm and snuggly), and listened to Radio NZ’s broadcast. There weren’t many along our street, our neighbour stood in her lounge at the sliding doors facing the street, there were two more I could see to my left and right on the otherside of the street… could have been more but I was more focused on the service.
Coming in again, I snapped a couple shots of the rising sun, then I went back to bed.
When my day officially started, I did my exercises, had my breakfast. I did all the things I normally do. Then I debated writing this early…and that didn’t happen. It’s now 11pm and I just getting into it. I really need to stop doing this.
Oh, and heads up folks. It’s another long post.
So, today I wanted to focus on anxiety and worry – things that I’ve spent my lifetime trying to overcome, or at the very least, manage.
Worry is slightly different to anxiety, though people often use the term interchangeably. Worry is when we dwell on those pesky thoughts that try to us that something might go wrong. The way I’ve come to see it, is that worry is a state of mind. It’s commonly verbal thoughts in our head and doesn’t tend to cause any physiological effects. Worry is generalized and repetitive thoughts, for example: “I’m going to be late…” but is able to be problem solved and packed into a box – in this case, we tend to haul ass and get there well ahead of time… usually.
Don’t get me wrong, worry can cause emotional distress, but usually it can be resolved fairly simply. Generally, worry is helpful in our lives because it helps drive change. The issue arises though when you dwell too long without change, where we allow those thoughts to grow and, left unchecked …left unmanaged… it can lead to obsessive thoughts.
When your worry is keeping you awake at night, or making you wake during the night, then you know its starting to get out of hand. If you’re a worrier, there are some things you can do: Write your worries down, recognize if action needs to be taken to fix the worry – and if no action can be taken, redirect your brain. Find something to focus on. The trick with worry, is to not let it consume us.
Now, anxiety can be down right terrifying. There are your usual things that trigger anxiety – crowds, sudden change, new environments – basically, the unknown. If you live with generalized anxiety disorder (severe, ongoing anxiety that interferes with daily activities) or any of the many other types of anxiety, then you know the drill. For those that don’t … buckle up.
For me, and for many others, anxiety is a big scary thing. Left unmanaged it can cripple us physically and mentally. It can cloud our thoughts and convince us that everything is worse than it appears. It can make walls seem like they are closing in. Like the crowd (even if it’s just one or two people) around you is going to smother you. You can’t breathe, your hands begin to shake… then the other part of anxiety kicks in (yup, there’s another one). You’re in the middle of a panic attack, or fighting to prevent one, and suddenly anxiety whispers “You’re making a scene…people are watching.” The fact is, we don’t want to be noticed, because even the thought of being noticed, especially when we’re slipping off the edge can cause us to further tumble into the abyss.
Sadly, it’s not just about switching it off, or…not worrying. Those with crippling anxiety (of any type), feel it in a very real and physical way - despite it being a product of the mind. Anxiety is tremors, sweats, nausea, headaches, shortness of breath or hyperventilation. It causes the heart to beat faster than you think possible. Even, at times, causing the sufferer to pass out or become catatonic. Those of you not familiar with what anxiety can do when it gets bad – I challenge you to google ‘Anxiety induced’ or 'Anxiety symptoms' and see the list that pops up.
But for today, we’re focusing one of the other things it can cause – Insomnia, cos wow…yeah so get this not only can anxiety cause insomnia…but insomnia can cause anxiety.
Basically, well for me, when my anxiety is moderated I become fidgety and restless. Thoughts well, this sums it up perfectly:
Oh, and heads up folks. It’s another long post.
So, today I wanted to focus on anxiety and worry – things that I’ve spent my lifetime trying to overcome, or at the very least, manage.
Worry is slightly different to anxiety, though people often use the term interchangeably. Worry is when we dwell on those pesky thoughts that try to us that something might go wrong. The way I’ve come to see it, is that worry is a state of mind. It’s commonly verbal thoughts in our head and doesn’t tend to cause any physiological effects. Worry is generalized and repetitive thoughts, for example: “I’m going to be late…” but is able to be problem solved and packed into a box – in this case, we tend to haul ass and get there well ahead of time… usually.
Don’t get me wrong, worry can cause emotional distress, but usually it can be resolved fairly simply. Generally, worry is helpful in our lives because it helps drive change. The issue arises though when you dwell too long without change, where we allow those thoughts to grow and, left unchecked …left unmanaged… it can lead to obsessive thoughts.
When your worry is keeping you awake at night, or making you wake during the night, then you know its starting to get out of hand. If you’re a worrier, there are some things you can do: Write your worries down, recognize if action needs to be taken to fix the worry – and if no action can be taken, redirect your brain. Find something to focus on. The trick with worry, is to not let it consume us.
Now, anxiety can be down right terrifying. There are your usual things that trigger anxiety – crowds, sudden change, new environments – basically, the unknown. If you live with generalized anxiety disorder (severe, ongoing anxiety that interferes with daily activities) or any of the many other types of anxiety, then you know the drill. For those that don’t … buckle up.
For me, and for many others, anxiety is a big scary thing. Left unmanaged it can cripple us physically and mentally. It can cloud our thoughts and convince us that everything is worse than it appears. It can make walls seem like they are closing in. Like the crowd (even if it’s just one or two people) around you is going to smother you. You can’t breathe, your hands begin to shake… then the other part of anxiety kicks in (yup, there’s another one). You’re in the middle of a panic attack, or fighting to prevent one, and suddenly anxiety whispers “You’re making a scene…people are watching.” The fact is, we don’t want to be noticed, because even the thought of being noticed, especially when we’re slipping off the edge can cause us to further tumble into the abyss.
Sadly, it’s not just about switching it off, or…not worrying. Those with crippling anxiety (of any type), feel it in a very real and physical way - despite it being a product of the mind. Anxiety is tremors, sweats, nausea, headaches, shortness of breath or hyperventilation. It causes the heart to beat faster than you think possible. Even, at times, causing the sufferer to pass out or become catatonic. Those of you not familiar with what anxiety can do when it gets bad – I challenge you to google ‘Anxiety induced’ or 'Anxiety symptoms' and see the list that pops up.
But for today, we’re focusing one of the other things it can cause – Insomnia, cos wow…yeah so get this not only can anxiety cause insomnia…but insomnia can cause anxiety.
Basically, well for me, when my anxiety is moderated I become fidgety and restless. Thoughts well, this sums it up perfectly:
If I am around people or trying to socialise after having just managed to prevent a panic attack, I feel like everything is moving super fast around me and for some reason I -feel- physically slow and disconnected from my body. If the anxiety is high and I’m alone, there is a constant alarm going. I feel constantly on alert for trouble…even if I’m lying in bed. And let me be clear, anxiety can stem from anything - even remembering to hang out the washing or getting some work done.
Now, we have an understanding of worry and anxiety, lets look at them in terms of this pandemic:
Worry example: I worry about the country, the planet, my friends, my family. I worry about how the economy is going to be and how my loved ones will survive financially.
Solution/Result: Acknowledge it -check. Can I do anything about any of it, right now if at all? Partially – I can reach out and be there for all those I care about. I can support in what ever way I can. Is the worry relieved? Partially, yes. Enough for me to now sleep.
Anxiety example: I’ve got to go to the supermarket tomorrow/on X day. The last time I was at the supermarket I felt crowded, my heart raced the entire time. I felt harassed by unseen forces…rushed. I had to be quick so others could do their shop. Gods, did I get too much? I just got what was on the list. I hope no one thinks I’m hoarding… (with my 2 packets of pasta).
Result: Body remembers the physical sensations that occurred as anxiety creeps in…and relives it. Heart starts racing, thoughts cloud head. Toss, turn. More anxiety because I was a dufus and looked at the time: “I have to be up in X hours. If I don’t sleep soon, I’m going to sleep though my alarm. I can’t sleep through my alarm because mum or Robert might say something, and I’ll get on edge about it. It’s not my fault I’m tired. Why can’t I sleep, is something else wrong with me?” coughs or sneezes “Gods, no, I’ve got it…shit. I’m going to give it to mum… crap, I can’t see dad. If I have it and I give it to him, I’ll likely be the reason he dies...” *feels guilt, trauma, loss for it, even though it hasn’t even happened followed by panicked, frantic online checking because I can't rest until I've looked up something once it gets into my head* “When did I go out last? Was it more than 10 days… what’s the incubation period, what are the other symptoms again…let me check…” *google remembers my search*
(And I’ve just figured out why I’m not sleeping)
Bottom line, people is that anything that is causing us worry or anxiety, like the examples above, are going to cause us to have issues sleeping – regardless if we have any underlying mental health conditions. This pandemic is the perfect breeding ground for a nervous twitch – and as hilarious as that sounds, it’s the truth. So, looking after ourselves and being diligent with our sleep schedules and patterns is top priority – I know, practice what I preach, right?
Now, we have an understanding of worry and anxiety, lets look at them in terms of this pandemic:
Worry example: I worry about the country, the planet, my friends, my family. I worry about how the economy is going to be and how my loved ones will survive financially.
Solution/Result: Acknowledge it -check. Can I do anything about any of it, right now if at all? Partially – I can reach out and be there for all those I care about. I can support in what ever way I can. Is the worry relieved? Partially, yes. Enough for me to now sleep.
Anxiety example: I’ve got to go to the supermarket tomorrow/on X day. The last time I was at the supermarket I felt crowded, my heart raced the entire time. I felt harassed by unseen forces…rushed. I had to be quick so others could do their shop. Gods, did I get too much? I just got what was on the list. I hope no one thinks I’m hoarding… (with my 2 packets of pasta).
Result: Body remembers the physical sensations that occurred as anxiety creeps in…and relives it. Heart starts racing, thoughts cloud head. Toss, turn. More anxiety because I was a dufus and looked at the time: “I have to be up in X hours. If I don’t sleep soon, I’m going to sleep though my alarm. I can’t sleep through my alarm because mum or Robert might say something, and I’ll get on edge about it. It’s not my fault I’m tired. Why can’t I sleep, is something else wrong with me?” coughs or sneezes “Gods, no, I’ve got it…shit. I’m going to give it to mum… crap, I can’t see dad. If I have it and I give it to him, I’ll likely be the reason he dies...” *feels guilt, trauma, loss for it, even though it hasn’t even happened followed by panicked, frantic online checking because I can't rest until I've looked up something once it gets into my head* “When did I go out last? Was it more than 10 days… what’s the incubation period, what are the other symptoms again…let me check…” *google remembers my search*
(And I’ve just figured out why I’m not sleeping)
Bottom line, people is that anything that is causing us worry or anxiety, like the examples above, are going to cause us to have issues sleeping – regardless if we have any underlying mental health conditions. This pandemic is the perfect breeding ground for a nervous twitch – and as hilarious as that sounds, it’s the truth. So, looking after ourselves and being diligent with our sleep schedules and patterns is top priority – I know, practice what I preach, right?
26th
Day Thirty-Four
I’m shaking things up today by starting at 10pm. Maybe It’ll mean I won’t be writing til well past midnight?
Today’s topic is Depression and Isolation and Greater Family and Work stress. I figured since they are both linked in a way, that I’d combine the topics.
I don’t think I need to spell depression out for people in great detail. The old black dog has visited most of us on occasion. Heck, he may have ‘adopted’ you and is in your life right now, no matter how much you try and encourage him to leave. What ever your status is with the black dog, we all know him. If not personally (and/or intimately) then because a friend or a loved one has been set upon by the fiend. Though there may be some that might not realise exactly how cunning this morose is. The obvious signs are lack of enthusiasm, a prolong sense of sadness – there may or may not be tears involved, mood changes, the inability to concentrate...the list goes one . There are sometimes dark thoughts and sometimes there are no thoughts. Depression affects us all in different ways, but it can also sap your energy, making you sleep (or nap) more than you should. And thus, throwing off your sleep schedule and making a decent night’s sleep nigh impossible.
Right now, the depression (or our dark/low days) will likely be exacerbated by a number of things:
Even those of us who don’t -do- the touchy-feely, are probably feeling it now. The need for a hug. The need for human connection outside our bubbles. Longing for the ability to just share space with those we can’t physically be around right now. All of that will be leaving a mark on our psyche and our ability to find rest.
I unfortunately don’t have a secret answer to all this, other than reach out. There are helplines, there are friends and family who, if not at hand, are just a phone, or video, call away. Trust me, if you’re feeling low, it is always better to talk about it. If you can’t find the words then journal it and then just say to your loved ones: ‘Hey, don’t want to talk about it – but I could do with some us time (or me time, or quiet time, or anything that you are craving that you know will ring some semblance of peace).’
But my absolute best advice is this: Don’t let the dark thoughts consume your light.
I’m shaking things up today by starting at 10pm. Maybe It’ll mean I won’t be writing til well past midnight?
Today’s topic is Depression and Isolation and Greater Family and Work stress. I figured since they are both linked in a way, that I’d combine the topics.
I don’t think I need to spell depression out for people in great detail. The old black dog has visited most of us on occasion. Heck, he may have ‘adopted’ you and is in your life right now, no matter how much you try and encourage him to leave. What ever your status is with the black dog, we all know him. If not personally (and/or intimately) then because a friend or a loved one has been set upon by the fiend. Though there may be some that might not realise exactly how cunning this morose is. The obvious signs are lack of enthusiasm, a prolong sense of sadness – there may or may not be tears involved, mood changes, the inability to concentrate...the list goes one . There are sometimes dark thoughts and sometimes there are no thoughts. Depression affects us all in different ways, but it can also sap your energy, making you sleep (or nap) more than you should. And thus, throwing off your sleep schedule and making a decent night’s sleep nigh impossible.
Right now, the depression (or our dark/low days) will likely be exacerbated by a number of things:
- Not being able to go out and let off steam,
- Unable to work, or work effectively due to home constraints,
- Having limited time to be able to breath without the presence of family, i.e. children/loved ones being home from school/work (we’ve covered this),
- Strained finances and the fear of not being able to provide because there’s no/limited income coming in…
- Isolation and the inability to see friends and family... aka Human Connection
Even those of us who don’t -do- the touchy-feely, are probably feeling it now. The need for a hug. The need for human connection outside our bubbles. Longing for the ability to just share space with those we can’t physically be around right now. All of that will be leaving a mark on our psyche and our ability to find rest.
I unfortunately don’t have a secret answer to all this, other than reach out. There are helplines, there are friends and family who, if not at hand, are just a phone, or video, call away. Trust me, if you’re feeling low, it is always better to talk about it. If you can’t find the words then journal it and then just say to your loved ones: ‘Hey, don’t want to talk about it – but I could do with some us time (or me time, or quiet time, or anything that you are craving that you know will ring some semblance of peace).’
But my absolute best advice is this: Don’t let the dark thoughts consume your light.
Just because we are bubbled does not mean we can’t reach out and find human connection. We just have to find it in other ways. Video call a friend and have a coffee together. You don’t have to be physically close to find connection.
27th
Day Thirty-Five
So, who’s excited for the step towards freedom?
I bet there are a fair few of you counting down the hours, hoping that with this (slight) step down in restrictions means less stress. Cos’ let’s be frank…it’s been chronic, hasn’t it?
Headaches, upset tummy, irritability, fatigue, foggy memory, difficulty sleeping… the last few posts have all been leading to this…
Stress-related fatigue. Did you read the article I linked? If you didn’t (or even if you did) let me quote this bit (link here for a refresher):
The Mayo Clinic defines fatigue as "a nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and reduces your energy, motivation and concentration."
Because of the fatigue, we feel like we’re at breaking point, or, if we don’t, there is that grit, just beneath the surface that’s been grinding away at our ability to cope. We’ve snapped at loved ones, wanted to scream. We’ve wanted to curl up in a dark place and sleep, or cry, or both. Yet no matter how much we’ve slept, we’re feeling unrested. The last few week’s I’ve been noticing an increase in my fatigue, the grating beneath the surface has been getting more intense – today, I admit lost my cool, then I exceeded my caffeine intake. 250ml’s of V and 2 x 15oz (425ml) mugs of coffee. Well it will be soon, I’ve just started on the second mug…and I’m only just feeling like a sentient human being and not some half coherent gloop of meh.
Now, I know as well as you, that all that caffeine is going to come back and bite me in the arse. But right now, I doubt many of us are in the position of caring – if it gets us through, flick that kettle on! Sadly, I know that this coffee, combined with the worry, anxiety and all round general stress … is not going to make for a productive night of sleeping, and we know sleep is important. It helps our immune system function better, helps our brain do the ever-important task of functioning at a higher process other than just existing. Heck, it makes us more cheerful and ensures that we’re decent people to be around (well, most of us… we all know, or know of certain people in the world that could do with a personality adjustment…)
So, what can we do to help improve our sleep?
Sure, read the article I linked about, those are really good tips. But, I have some other ones. Ones that usually help me settle when things are rough.
From there, its all about making sure you’re comfortable and that you’ve got a decent pillow.
Have a good sleep ;)
So, who’s excited for the step towards freedom?
I bet there are a fair few of you counting down the hours, hoping that with this (slight) step down in restrictions means less stress. Cos’ let’s be frank…it’s been chronic, hasn’t it?
Headaches, upset tummy, irritability, fatigue, foggy memory, difficulty sleeping… the last few posts have all been leading to this…
Stress-related fatigue. Did you read the article I linked? If you didn’t (or even if you did) let me quote this bit (link here for a refresher):
The Mayo Clinic defines fatigue as "a nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and reduces your energy, motivation and concentration."
Because of the fatigue, we feel like we’re at breaking point, or, if we don’t, there is that grit, just beneath the surface that’s been grinding away at our ability to cope. We’ve snapped at loved ones, wanted to scream. We’ve wanted to curl up in a dark place and sleep, or cry, or both. Yet no matter how much we’ve slept, we’re feeling unrested. The last few week’s I’ve been noticing an increase in my fatigue, the grating beneath the surface has been getting more intense – today, I admit lost my cool, then I exceeded my caffeine intake. 250ml’s of V and 2 x 15oz (425ml) mugs of coffee. Well it will be soon, I’ve just started on the second mug…and I’m only just feeling like a sentient human being and not some half coherent gloop of meh.
Now, I know as well as you, that all that caffeine is going to come back and bite me in the arse. But right now, I doubt many of us are in the position of caring – if it gets us through, flick that kettle on! Sadly, I know that this coffee, combined with the worry, anxiety and all round general stress … is not going to make for a productive night of sleeping, and we know sleep is important. It helps our immune system function better, helps our brain do the ever-important task of functioning at a higher process other than just existing. Heck, it makes us more cheerful and ensures that we’re decent people to be around (well, most of us… we all know, or know of certain people in the world that could do with a personality adjustment…)
So, what can we do to help improve our sleep?
Sure, read the article I linked about, those are really good tips. But, I have some other ones. Ones that usually help me settle when things are rough.
- White noise: Be it rain sounds, water running, the fan going or certain tonal frequencies (you tube them, everyone is different with preferences). There are a multitude of different sounds classified as white noise that have been linked to relaxation and sleep. Personally, rain with a crackling fire (like my favourite one here) helps me relax enough to be focused on what I need to be doing - like writing. But if I want a true deep sleep I need this, Heavy rain with thunder and lightning.
- The right room temperature: Lots of people are different when it comes to this. For room temp, personally, a cooler room (but not freezing) works best for me. It means that during the summer, I have the fan going all night, just to provide coolness and fresh air (oh to have a heat pump or air con). I know people who prefer warm rooms. I know of others who like it the colder the better. Though, it could be rough to find a compromise when you’re sharing a room or a bed with a partner.
- Weight of blankets (and bed temp): Something some people don’t have an issue with, others do. Again, difficult when sharing a bed with someone. The temperature of the bed is all about heat regulation – too hot, or too cold, you’re going to be restless. But then, if you’re bothered by blanket weight, it becomes a juggling act. The simple answer would be to purchase a weighted blanket, but they are expensive. For me, I end up having a lot of lightweight blankets on hand. Thinner, cooler ones for summer and more fluffy ones for winter. Then it’s about layering. Good things come in layers – onions(roasted please), cakes, personalities…and blanket distribution.
- Light level: You all know that the screen light on our phones, PC’s, televisions etc are all at the level to keep our brains alert and active, right? Blue light, great during the day to keep your attention levels etc, but bad at night. If you’re going to have tech in the bedroom, I suggest two things: Don’t watch anything just before bed if you can avoid it. And, if your phone has it, turn the blue light filter on (or get an app), oh, also dim the brightness of the screen and/or turn on night mode. That way, light is kept to a minimum. Also, if you are having trouble settling because of other light (like charger light, alarm clock glow, or a pesky streetlight that shines through the crack in the curtains no matter how tightly you draw them) invest in a sleep mask. The Pharmacy has them, various colours and weights. Might take a bit to get used to. But it can help.
- Breathing: I know…we all do it. But, there are ways to breath which can help the body relax. Yup, if you google there are a ba-jillion of different links suggesting the ‘right way’ to breath for relaxation. But it’s all down to personal preference really. Me, I use this one, it’s simple to learn and I find that it grounds me completely.
From there, its all about making sure you’re comfortable and that you’ve got a decent pillow.
Have a good sleep ;)
28th-29th
Ironic that the night I write about quality sleep etc, is the night I experience the worst night of sleeping in a while. Not surprising after the caffeine intake for that day... about a litre (for someone that usually has 1/4 that - if I have any at all it was more than excessive). Regardless to say, yesterday was a write off for me. No task could be completed without blank stares and several moments to process - for example:
"Sam, can you please get me the betadine?"
*I wander to where it last was seen, standing there a moment, trying to fathom what I am looking for. Then, my brain in what I call the Ralph Wiggum voice, tries to be helpful: 'betadine dries yellow!' More blank staring until I realise I'm not looking for yellow, I'm looking for a brown tube...*
So...yeah, not a great day for functioning. So, by 9.30pm I was off to bed.
But today...wow, today was great! I had energy. When I woke up, I wasn't tired, I didn't get fatigued all day. I didn't over do things, I didn't over think things (much). I spent time with Robert, video chatted, gamed, sent funny and cute animal pictures to each other - as well as dream home decorating/fancy rooms pics. It was a casual day, a day to just relax and not rush to do things. Tomorrow things will need to be done - writing, housework etc
But for now, sleep. I want to have energy tomorrow.
"Sam, can you please get me the betadine?"
*I wander to where it last was seen, standing there a moment, trying to fathom what I am looking for. Then, my brain in what I call the Ralph Wiggum voice, tries to be helpful: 'betadine dries yellow!' More blank staring until I realise I'm not looking for yellow, I'm looking for a brown tube...*
So...yeah, not a great day for functioning. So, by 9.30pm I was off to bed.
But today...wow, today was great! I had energy. When I woke up, I wasn't tired, I didn't get fatigued all day. I didn't over do things, I didn't over think things (much). I spent time with Robert, video chatted, gamed, sent funny and cute animal pictures to each other - as well as dream home decorating/fancy rooms pics. It was a casual day, a day to just relax and not rush to do things. Tomorrow things will need to be done - writing, housework etc
But for now, sleep. I want to have energy tomorrow.
Copyright Samantha Louise Marshall © 2017
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